Realization Of Where Gain This Week Came From
First though…THANK YOU! It always feels comforting to know you are not alone in your feelings and struggles…no matter how shameful they seem. Thanks so much for the love and support buddies! Each comment spoke to my heart…
Ok…this morning as I crammed yet another gross frosted strawberry poptart in, I realized something I have been stressing on for the last week…something I have been partially putting off and partially have not had the alone time to do. The book Im reading suggested writing a letter to the soon to be ex (not to be given to him but for my healing)…to get out all I need to say. I have been trying on my own to approach it for almost 3 years now and have been unable to face it. I will have that alone time tonight and I am stressing. I know I need this…but I know how upsetting it will be and I am doing all I can to smile every day…put on the happy face for those around me. Next week will be three years since J left our marriage for good (truly it was before then but officially it was Sept. 11, 2006. One day before his b-day…one month before our anniversary…and right before the birthday/holiday season that runs from Sept-Jan for us. (Do you know he had the nerve to be pissed that I didn’t “do anything” for his b-day…”for the kids sake” ??? One day after he left our marriage!!!! I was sick in bed…unable to function…unable to eat or even keep a swallow of water down. He was not the man I married…the boy I married…WHO was he??? This year is technically our 25th wedding anniversary since we are not divorced. I want to be healed from this…its taking too long. I am hurt but ready to be done. My biggest issue now is that bimbo slut being around my kids…them seeing any affection exchanges between them, etc. Yea…Ive got a lot to get out and honestly I am tempted to give it to him. I kept a lot in in hopes of a reconciliation over the three years…now the anger has been brewing and Im ready to spew. I am afraid tho that once I let go to let it pour out, that it wont stop and I’ll end up a crazy, angry, bitter, old cat lady. Having this place to let it out is such a help…but Im still fearful…I don’t want to hate…but what Im feeling is only growing in intensity…it doesn’t feel good…maybe Im stuffing those feeling too. Don’t get me wrong…not looking for excuses for my overeating…just reason behind them. I put the food to my lips…Im a big girl…make my own decisions in what I eat…or how much. Gotta dig out those big girl panties again and step up to do what I need to do. Lord please help me…please strengthen me and direct me.
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Well that makes sense…
man I would hate that woman, I don’t know how you keep it together. I know I would be nasty.
Well I think whatever you can do to heal sounds good, try it all. Sending good thoughts your way…
((((((((((Deb))))))))))) I know how much this hurts. Put YOU first. Be kind to you.
I hate to trivialize this giant thing you’re dealing with by using a cliche, but the first thing I thought reading this post was “Darkest before dawn”–you’ll get to dawn eventually! In the meantime, keep fighting and growing, and keep coming here!
I really hurt for you, the betrayal must be incredible. 25 years is a long time to give your heart to someone. Love Ýou sis, you have always been supportive. Like the other comments, be sure that you exercise some patience and love to yourself, you’re not made of steel and don’t expect perfection during turmoil. -hugs 2 u -
I am sending big hugs your way….I feel for you. I wish I could help. Love ya.
Debbie, I am so sorry, but you need to get all of that out. Keeping it bottled up is what is going to get to you. Whether you send the letter or not, write it ALL down, get it out. Don’t let it fester and cause you more grief. Believe it or not, you don’t have to always be the “strong” one, it is ok to have a weak moment or two or three—-. Don’t you think for a second that your kids don’t know what went on or is going on now. They might not say anything to you, but they are smart and they have eyes. It’s hard to take a long view in this I know, but stuff has a way of washing out over time. Hugs to you.
I am so sorry you are still hurting so much. I’m sending some big hugs. You definitely need to find some way to get all that stuff out or it will keep eating at you.
Just let it out. You are doing fine. One day at a time honey. ((((((((((((((DEBRA)))))))))))))
I’m like becca and then that you really should get all this out…like a wound, it wont heal til the poison is out. Find a time when you can be alone and get it out. Cry, rant and rave–whatever you need to do girl.
I wouldnt be surprised to hear you do that and come out exhausted. Then, feeling like a pressure has been released.
I wont even pretend to understand what this is like. A lifetime with that man and now this.
You know I love ya girl…do this for you ok. Hugs.