Do You Ever Feel Like You’re The ONLY Fat Person???
In the last week or two, Ive been super aware of others around me…mainly women. Everyone else seems to be a “normal” weight if not super tiny with a cute little butt (yes, I look but not in that way :P). Maybe its because I feel so gross myself that I am so highly sensitive to others around me, Im not sure. I just know I hate this feeling. I don’t want to compare myself to everyone. I want to be happy with me and focus on that. Just talking it out…working through this process along with trying to rediscover who Debbi is now. Im torn between wanting to be liked/loved for who I am…as I am, and wanting to be a healthy, attractive weight.
This week and especially the last couple days have been pretty busy. I haven’t been able to be on here like I need to. Did get to pick blackberries with my Momma the other day. We pick 16 pounds. I could’ve kicked myself for not taking my camera with me to the farm/orchard. It was so beautiful…blue skies with white puffy clouds…large clusters of blackberries mingled with red ones still ripening…just gorgeous. We even found a couple bird nests and a creepy cicada/locust. I love the sound they make but don’t want want buzzing past my face as Im up in the blackberry bushes. Here’s a couple pics I took when we got back.
My daughter has her car. I spent part of the day at the MVA getting the tags and title dealt wth yesterday. Also got to clean again for some moola.
Weather here has been perfect…my kinda stuff. Looks like it will continue for a while too…happy girl here! Cool mornings and nights…warm days…low to no humidity…Fall in the air…my kind of weather and it puts me in a happy place inside. I fight my depression and issues with J almost constantly…slowly but surely I will get there. Just trying to keep myself away from that pit.
Well…hope everyone has an awesome weekend. Im reading a book called Live, Laugh, Love Again. Its really helping me. Hope to finish it this weekend and reflect and move forward some more. Enjoy Buddies!
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Oh, do I hate this subconcious comparing myself. And I just can’t seem to stop doing it before I notice it and actually redirect my train of thoughts. I just look at women on the street and I go ‘How can she manages to be so slender?” or “Why does she have those awsome thighs and I have those heavy hams?” (butts for you, I am obssessed with thighs, lol!) I just don’t know how to snap out of it! If you’d find a way, let me know!!!
Great blackberries, btw, love them myself, but they don’t grow this far north. And we just moved to a new house which is gorgeous, but I will be setting the garden next spring. So, no berries for me for a couple of years
I used to be the fattest person no matter where I go. Lately I have noticed I am not the fattest when I go to a buffet (I attack the salad bar over and over). So I think it depends on WHERE you go. Hiking and/or walking and everyone is still way thinner than I am.
” I want to be happy with me and focus on that. Just talking it out…working through this process along with trying to rediscover who Debbi is now. Im torn between wanting to be liked/loved for who I am…as I am, and wanting to be a healthy, attractive weight.” These two are not mutually exclusive. You do need time to KNOW THYSELF. I strongly suspect you will rediscover a wonderful, sensitive and caring person there. You can be liked/loved for who you are now and as you lose weight and reach your goal weight too.
Be assured you are already very well liked here at BS.
On my way to take my daughter to school this morning I saw the first leaves are turning. This excites me because I love the trees like that! Those berries look freaking delicious and it sounds like you had a good time. As for the other women and their weight….I think you are overestimating. 70% of people in the US are overweight and 30% are in the obese category. Are you only seeing the 30% that are healthy weights? I think not! Love yourself, girl!
LOL Leida! Glad to know Im not the only one “looking”
Michael…HUGS…thank you!
Ya know April…I was thinking the statical thoughts in my head as I was noticing the thin peeps…thinking ok…where are all the obese ones…feels like a spot light on me sometimes…and now for youre entertainment and her humiliation…heeeeeeers Debbi…the worlds only fat chick!
You know that you are not alone in the battle, scroll through some of the pictures here, I have a 22 year old niece that struggles every day genetics and bad eating habits make it hard for her. Epidemic, isn’t that what they are calling it on the news, so remember you aren’t the only one.
Can/Are you limiting your contact with J? Staying away from triggers might be wise.
Love you girl, enjoy the weather.
Ok, me and this computer are about to go around and round! I came in here, and then it said website not available…wouldnt let me come back here for a few…(giving computer evil eye). Of course, I lost my comment to you.
Alrighty, lets see…fall is my favorite time of year–love it! The changing of the colors on the trees…and yes, cooler weather!
As for checking out others…yep, I do it too. But, we have some really overweight people here. I want to run over there and try to help them get on the right track….headed for such much health problems. Of course, I check out the small ones, and think…damn, how does she do that. You just never know…it could be good genes or she might work out like a dog lol.
So, what have you done for yourself today missy?? I’m gonna do my pilates.
Have a great day! Lots of hugs and love your way…
I know what you mean about checking out others. I do it too!!! I just returned from a work meeting with lots of other managers & sales people. I felt like THE FAT GIRL!!! Most of the other women there were prob size 3’s…wearing really cute clothes & shoes. I felt so frumpy! Why cant they make cute clothes in bigger sizes??? Such is life. I need to get busy & get out of these frumpy sizes!! LOL!
Sounds like you had a beautiful day with your Mom. Take care!
One of my favorite seasons is soon to be upon us. I am so excited when I walk out the doors and here in Washington I can smell blackberries in the air. It instantly puts a smile on my face. As for checking out other woman I do it to but if I’m looking I am sure to offer a compliment. I am all about making someone’s day and letting her know she is beautiful. I compliment everything and I have yet to find a woman who hasn’t appreciated my compliments. But I too compare myself and wish those attributes I am complimenting were mine. Keep your head high and stay strong.
I have SOOOOO been there, D. The feeling like everyone is looking at me and how big I am and on and on and everyone is smaller and I am disgusting. I used to feel that way ALL the time. But u know, I dont think that way abt others so I hope people were looking at me that way then. Our mind likes to play trix on us, doesn’t it? Big hugs to you XOXOXO
same here. Once i started loosing weight I was also way more aware of other women’s bodies and I compare all the time.. ALL the time. I hate it..
But well that is me.. I did it today actually the lady behind me at the check out had the same outfit on ( well almost) she was about 250 pounds and I compared myself so I do it with smaller and bigger women..
And I also feel everyone does this so I am getting judged. but it is just my hangup and I know others do not give a rats behind what I look like..
I was ok for a while but I notice it more now.
I LOVE blackberries, I wish I was there!