I Feel Like A Bear Getting Ready To Hibernate…
…like I am on some sort of crazed feeding frenzy…out of control. I feel like I cant get enough and I am always on the prowl for more food. I have hit this place before…more than once. Im not sure why it happens…only that I come out on the other end weighing much more and confused and dazed as to exactly what happened. I just have this overwhelming need…want…urge…to feed. I feel very out of control. Not making excuses because ultimately it comes down to my choices…Im just trying to express what Im feeling in some desperate attempt to understand the why’s of it and stop this craziness. There are times I truly baffle myself…and this is probably in the top 5 on my list. I do notice I am feeling a bit more pissy today…angry…maybe at myself and what Im doing or maybe at my situation…Im not sure, but bottom line is it is surely no excuse.
I want to thank all of you for your loving words and support. I know only you guys can really understand some of the things I feel and some of the things I do…you can relate and I guess I just need to know that I am not the only one that doesn’t get myself sometimes. A couple months ago I was feeling pretty good about myself…my health…my body. Now I feel so unhealthy and disgusting…I just don’t understand why I would keep doing this to myself. I guess before I gain any more of the weight back, I need to stop worrying about the why’s so much and just get real enough to stop the nonsense. There is so much uncertainty and so much chaos around me right now…I just feel completely out of control…AHA!!!!! Maybe…just maybe that is part of this nonsense right now…I like to be in control…at least semi in control. Right now everything is coming out of its place and boxes of mess around me…things I don’t know how to pack up for storage…my home going to probably 3 different location to store it…CHAOS! Just maybe that’s it…now how do I remedy the situation…remedy myself. I need to come to a place of acceptance with this and something I can live with for a while. Any ideas??????
Alrighty…my 17 y/o son spent the weekend with me for some Mom/Son time. It felt nice that he wanted to be with me for a change. We had planned on a hike up one of the Catoctin Trails but after all the rain we had it just wasn’t an option. Saturday was absolutely gorgeous so we took a drive up to a place called High Rock…about 30 minutes from here. It was just beautiful with the exception of the graffiti on the rocks. Here’s some pics…
Sunday everyone was here for several hours. J brought the tractor down and the boys cut the grass and trimmed while J and I went through office stuff (which is now sitting in my kitchen and dining room). We had a family lunch together…grilled some kielbasa. We also spent some more time talking. This is so scary…
Oh and Chloe had a grooming appointment on Saturday morning. She is an Australian Shepherd and gets so thick and shaggy. We were going to get her cut short but as they were cutting found quite a few ticks so we went REAL short…poor baby. She gets almost ashamed when she gets cut…I’ll have to post a pic later…but she’s embarrassed of her nakedness 
OK…Ive gone on too long. I miss you guys so so much. Im going to try to catch up a bit but I have so much to do…and once I get on here…I don’t want to get off. I love you and THANK YOU so very very much!!!
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OH Deb I wish things would get better for you. Hang in there we are all here for you. Glad you had a nice weekend with your son!
Sounds like a nice weekend, those pics are lovely, what a nice view!
I hope you manage to get your eating under control. Sometime we just eat and eat for some reason, nothing to do with hunger. Getting control over that is the hardest thing. I have managed must better so far today than I have in a while. Good luck with it, maybe making yourself write it all down again might stop some of the unneccessary snacking? I don’t have much great advice,
take care
you are right, you are not in this alone. Alot of us do the same thing , i think being brave enough to admitt it is the first step .
Glad that you had your weekend with your son.
Here is a (((HUG)))) for you, hang in there and you will be in control agian, already sounds like it is starting. Love ya gal!
I am glad that you got the time with your son. My cat gets shave every so often and she acts like that too. Your poor pup! Ha ha!
Debbi, I am thinking of you mama ! I am so glad u got to spend time with your son and it looks like it was bee-ooot-i-ful !
Keeping you in my prayers Debbi. You’ve been through so much, its time for things to turn around your way. And I know it will!!
As far as eating, I am just like you. When life is chaotic, eating is the same. I’m thinking of you and wishing the best for you, you deserve it
((((((((((((((((((Debbi))))))))))))))))))))
i have no idea why the urge to consume hits, but it used to happen to me quite a bit. sorry i’m not much help, but you definately are not alone in that.
hugs, you and i’l try sending good thoughts your way
First, oh man, i’m so jealous of the beautiful places you have to walk!
You know, i’ve been a binge eater for 20 years. I’ve done those self help books that say, oh you gotta find the reasons why you do this to help yourself to stop. Your right, it is an almost uncontrollable urge to eat and eat—to the point you can just make yourself sick. I finally can to the conclusion it wasnt a deep dark secret or anything that makes me do this. Food has been my friend for 20 years–he’s always there. It tastes good and gives me that full feeling–which slows my body down and makes ya sleepy. Not dealing with problems if your sleeping. So, I just decided that I have to deal with it a step at a time. I do a lot better then I have in the past–yet, there are those days I slide right back into that bad habit. However, girl, you know this can be done, you’ve done it before and so have I. Stress and anxiety is just asking for a binge. You cant change what you did yesteriday but you can make today a better choice. Smiles, I so badly want you to get and stay in a better place. I just know how it is to be in that bad place. I have wished so many times that I lived closer to you. No, I cant solve your problems but damn girl, I can so relate to the issues you face. Hugs girl, and hang in there ok. (still drooling over beautiful pics)
hi! you look so great in your photo! please find that place in yourself that you always come back to where you see your own strength and beauty - it is there and you will come back to it!
Debbi. do you get like me and feel like there is an empty hole inside that you have to fill up? Let me tell you what my therapist said to try, maybe it will help: when you feel like that, write out your feelings before you eat. Maybe try to write out what is really bothering you first. It has helped me, I am not real good at it yet. But have made progress. Hugs to you!
OH babe, I hope things get better for you too. You are so strong; just hang tight. Hey, if eating helps, eat. OK? Kama gave you some great advice and here I am telling you to eat. My bad.
I hope things get better soon! Sounds like you have a busy wonderful life (on a stragne sorta scale)all that beauty around you. Drink it in girl… get some for me to would ya… Love Kama’s advice too!