Archive for May, 2009

What Not To Do…What Not To Wear…

Posted May 16, 2009 * Comments(10)

SWEATPANTS…unless you’re working out. I had gotten in the horrible habit over the last several weeks of wearing my sweats and a tee shirt. Heck, all I was doing was getting up…job searching…cleaning…and of course having my depression moments of not wanting to do anything. So I figured, why bother doing anything more. Well……when I put on my 18’s a couple days ago they were very snug…not good snug…irritatingly snug…but I left them on. Its funny how quickly you can forget that something as simple as not wearing loose or stretchy clothing can make a big difference in being more aware of weight gain. So back to my jeans…tight or not…it helps me stay conscious of what I should be doing.

Family game night tonight…tacos are on the menu so I may try to have just one or make more of a taco salad plate. I’m taking a fruit salad. Ready for some laughter…I can always count on that.

Finally…I feel the need to respond to something left on my last blog and will leave it at this…
Maya…I DO respect that you have your own opinion…just not that you feel the right to shove your opinion down someone’s throat uninvited because you feel you are right and that justifies it. I’m not shoving my religious beliefs down anyone’s throat even tho I feel strongly about them…its not the way to do it. And the fact that you say someone is not a TRUE friend if they don’t is BULL. I am not going to have a verbal battle over this. You have your opinions and I have mine…lets just leave it there and be here to support and encourage everyone…

Update On Home Situation…

Posted May 15, 2009 * Comments(10)

…God is good…He has been so good to us through this.
The realtor lady called today and came with the papers i have to sign. The bank is giving us until June 30th to turn over the keys…AND if I can get everything out…leaving no cleanup or junk for them to haul out, I will also get a check…”relocation check”. I am so relieved the kids can finish out school and then we have a week and a half to move out and clean up.
Yes…I am still freakin out on the inside…Im scared guys…but I know in the end we will be ok and I just have to accept the situations as they come.
The down side is it’s looking like we will not be able to keep any of the vehicles after all…having some issues with the attorney and getting answers or even ahold of him.
So, I just wanted to fill you in real quick and try to catch a couple blogs.
THANK you so much for the support today and always. I really do love you guys!
Oh…we got more strawberries and sugar free fat free choc pudding…gonna enjoy that tonight…without you it would have been a horrible disaster…thanks!!!!!!

Well…At Least Now I Know…My House Was Bought…But Now I Want A Donut

Posted May 15, 2009 * Comments(14)

Yesterday evening came a knock at the door…it was two people, maybe some type of realty company hired by the bank…the house has been bought back by the bank. They thought the house was vacant…mixup with the electric company, and had a guy on route here to change out all the locks…the very things I feared! I was completely honest and they were very nice…they are going to ask the bank to give me at least until school is out for the kids and possibly the end of June. My youngest was the only one here with me. After they left…we were crying and just hugged and cried for a while. Its one thing for just me…but my kids going through so much just breaks my heart. We had dinner…just made chicken salad and had it on a Sandwich Thin…but then had two…I wanted to rip into the food sooooo badly. I drank a lot of water and tea…ran back and forth to the bathroom quite a bit…and did end the noght with strawberries…but on rice krispies. I know it could have been worse but it upsets me that I didn’t control it. And then I wanted donuts…so very bad. Woke up this morning and I still have that desire for donuts or cake or something sweet and cakey. I have to stay strong…I can NOT let my emotions continue to rule me.

Please keep my family in your prayers. I must stay strong…I will not drown my sorrows in a donut. I will not lose my happiness again…I may have moment of sorrow but I am going to live my life and find the joy. There is a song I love…older…and it says, “if were ever gonna see a rainbow, we have to stand a little rain”…Ive had a LOT of rain and I want to find the rainbow. I need to get focused.

I will be on here as much as I can…when I can but its going to begin to get crazy. School is 2 hours late today so Im off to get Sam to the bus in a few…will be back in a bit and off and on.
I need you guys…love you…HUGS! Have a great day!

Sweet, Naked Goodness! I Finally Did It! I Lusted….

Posted May 14, 2009 * Comments(10)

Strawberries

Fruit…WooHoo! LOL! I just had THE best strawberries I’ve had in a loooong time. I love strawberries and they have been decent so far…but today…OH MY! Sweet perfection…washed, sliced and topping my cereal…nothing added…NAKED! Yummy! Im still smackin’ my lips! If they were this good all the time…maybe I would make better choices. Loving it…Mmmm Mmmm!

OK…yesterday was really really good overall. My eating was good. Had craving attacks or urges to eat a couple times but just made a cup of Bavarian Wild Berry Tea and sipped on that instead. I got in two walks…the second last evening with my daughter again and my youngest son…oh and Chloe but only for the first loop. The Rotten Rotties on the farm across the road were out and being nasty. What is it with walking and aggressive dogs lately? We had to put Chloe back in the house and then continued but just cautious…staying on our property but they still start to charge at you when you get down to the road…very intimidating…meanies! My heals are bothering me…I have bone spurs…plantar faci…something…but the walks were still very good. I felt positive about getting out and my daughter seemed into it too…she doesn’t have a weight problem but does have a lazy problem…so this was good. Planning more walking today…it is raining at the moment and some heavier storms are expected later today…evening and night, so will get out before then or walk my treadmill.

I don’t know if the house auctioned off or not yet…will wait to hear I guess. Going to make today a good day…catch a nap at some point cause not much sleep…then more sorting & packing.

Don’t know if anyone watches Idol…my favorite went home last night…I LOVE Danny Gokey…LOVE him! Hope he gets to make a cd cause I love to hear him sing…it was disappointing. The other two are good two but Adam is a bit dramatic for me so I guess I’m going for Kris.

OK…enough blah blah blah. Have a SUPER DUPER DAY Buddies! I love you all to ity bity pieces!

Renewed Hope & Determination…YES!

Posted May 13, 2009 * Comments(12)

That’s right…its me Debbi…aka Gloomy Gus! After last nights BL I woke with a renewed sense of hope and determination. It feels FABULOUS baby! Today my house is up for auction due to the foreclosure…I get an occasional wave of sickness to my stomach but it is what it is and I have been in a wait and hold pattern for a long time now. Just want to know and have some things fall into place with a job and where to live.
I had a decent breakfast…strawberries and rice krispies…just one bowl this time (Ive been so bad). Took a walk with my two baby girls (my 19 y/o daughter and my dog). It is pure perfection outside this morning…sunny…blue skies…and 58 degrees. We are planning a walk later when the boys get home from school. More sorting and cleaning out rooms today…the back of my thighs are sore from the bending over and lifting.
I feel an overwhelming sense of happiness…have not felt it in a LONG time…still feeling other emotions but the joy is winning out at the moment and I hope it is here to stay even through the remaining trials we are facing. God has been very good to us.
I am ashamed of the weight I have put back on BUT am refocused and ready to get it gone. So…who’s with me? Im takin’ that ticker DOWN!
Hope you are enjoying a beautiful day…even if its rain. Hugs to you!!

Anyone Wanna Take A Walk With Me?

Posted May 12, 2009 * Comments(9)

I need to push myself a bit. Ive gotten very lazy and full of excuses when it comes to my walks. I know once I get out there I will love it…but I have not for months now. Im not looking for any major distances or time…with all I am in the middle of I just want to commit to getting back outside or on my treadmill and walking.

So, anyone else in need of a little accountability or friendly persuasion? Maybe just checking in each day to make sure we get that walk in. Today is the day…I WILL WALK! No excuses…join me if you want to…

Wonderful Mothers Day & A New Week

Posted May 11, 2009 * Comments(10)

Yesterday was picture perfect…the weather was just gorgeous…sunny…light breeze and about 70…what I dream for year round. Had all my kiddos with me and went to my parents in the afternoon for lunch/dinner. My Dad did everything…the food was awesome…the company fantastic. Much laughter…much needed! Kids were great with two exceptions but we moved past it fairly well. Here are some pics of our day…
me-kids-51009-cropped.jpg Me with my kids :)

mom-with-kids-51009-cropped.jpg Me, my sister, my brother & Mom

moms-and-girls-51009-cropped.jpg Moms, daughters ,nieces…

moms-51009-cropped.jpg My Grandmom, Mom, Me, Sis & Sis-in-Law

  me-amber-51009-cropped.jpg Me & Daughter

A new week is here and I think yesterday helped refresh me for this. I am going give my best to get through this week and make the best choices I can. That scale needs to go down! Wednesday is the auction and Im trying to stay out of my depression pit. Still no job and not sure where I will live but taking one moment at a time. I feel like I have a bit more focus each day and while there is still much sadness…I overcome it with prayer and try to enjoy things. I will try to be on here as much as I can cause boy do I need it…but I have so much to do around here as well.
Hope you all had a fabulous weekend! Here is to a great week!!

My One Year Anniversary @ BuddySlim & Its Official….

Posted May 9, 2009 * Comments(9)

…Im STOOOOPID! Bad news first…I weighed this morning and have gained yet again…I am back up to 228! 2-2-8! What am I doing?! I am being stupid…stoooooooopid! Really there is no other name to call it. I have gained 16 pounds since February…that is very sad.

Back in February I was looking very forward to this day and being able to write a much happier and possibly inspiring blog. My hope at that time was to be well into Onederland by now. Well here it is…and I shamefully have to say I am now almost 30 pounds away from even reaching Onederland. I did it…my own hands feed this body so much more than it needed and this body has sat like a slug instead of being up and moving. IT MUST END NOW!

Time to turn this around…so here is the good news I will find in the mess Ive made. I have lost 17 pounds in the last year. I am down 17 pounds from a year ago. I can view this as pathetic or a positive…I am going to choose to see it as positive. Further…I am recommitting to myself today…I will go up no further…I will lose the 16 pounds I have gained and then continue downward. I will fall and make mistakes but I CHOOSE to be stooopid no more. Closing my eyes to what I am doing to myself because life is difficult is no good for me. Life will be difficult no matter what and I can further complicate it by my weight or I can live a healthier life in a smaller body and face the difficulties.

I wish I could bring a more inspiring recall of this past year. BuddySlim has been such a place of support, understanding and love to me. I am so very thankful for it and all of you. I have gotten to know some very special people here and I have grown to love you dearly…my extended family. Thank you for your support and love…thank you for lifting me up and encouraging me…thank you for inspiring me and understanding me…I love you!

Here is to another year…full of positive moments…much progress and happiness!

Off to get ready for a Mother/Daughter Brunch but will be back later today to read blogs. Have a great Saturday!

Comment Moderator Is PMSing…

Posted May 8, 2009 * Comments(4)

…its driving me crazy! Im losing almost every other comment I post. Dont know if its just me…my internet is running slower than its usual slow today…but there is only room for one PMSer and right now thats me, so Im jumping off here for now :D

TOM + Tears = Train Wreck (no pity but hugs needed)

Posted May 8, 2009 * Comments(16)

I get so tired of trying…so tired of clawing to get myself upright only to be shoved back down time after time. I hit the point of giving up on everything…and I ate to numb the hurt and stop the tears. More problems involving my 17 y/o which then involves everyone. More likely possibility that J will have to move to WV and me in with my parents which means uprooting kids and further splitting them/us up. How do you make these decisions? Really…how? This is killing me and I am beginning to have more and more anger towards what J has done and what it is causing. It makes me want to just give up on everything and say why the crap bother…whats the point of it all anyway?
Tomorrow is my one year anniversary here at BS…and I have spent the last several months screwing it all up. I ate crap and more crap yesterday. I should be packing and yet I am frozen…just staring at it all and wondering where will it all go? How do you divide it…how do you divide a life of over 20 years with someone? Honestly…Im going to have to just leave a lot when I have to get out of here. I wonder what the point of my life has been so far when right now it just doesn’t seem to matter at all. How does a Planner learn to live for the moment and just enjoy life one hour at a time? I want to know…I want my life back…or I guess I should say, I want to learn how to live life again…I want to be happy…

Starting again with cantaloupe, strawberries, pears, apples, bananas and salad. Going to try to start each meal with either a fruit or veggie. Plain rice krispies with fresh strawberries were for breakfast. I wanted to go back for more or a bagel but didn’t. They day is only begun but Im trying. Could sure use some words of support or kick in the pants…maybe just hugs cause buddies…I am broken and hurting…

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