Fighting The Urge to Pig-Out & A Light Bulb Moment
I tried to get on here a couple times yesterday afternoon…my internet is funky and Im not sure why…the weather was perfect. I couldn’t even get my food logged in SP until this morning. Hopefully the decent connection stays.
Ive been busy busy busy. Wednesday I was worn out! Spent all day doing a clean up/sort prep for realtor to take pics on Thursday. I had to attack the remains of the office. Ive left it alone because J was supposed to help me…yeah…that didn’t happen so it was just me. I have begun dealing with a lot of emotions in this packing and clean up…lately the anger is stirring that once again I am here to clean up his life…his mess. When he left, he basically took a duffle bag with some clothes. Over time I began to empty out his clothing and personal stuff and asking him repeatedly to take it. That angered me too…that he didn’t have to physically and mentally pack his belongings from his home…it was painful…ANYWAY, moving on. I sat down Wednesday night and watched the American Idol Finale…can I just say AWESOME! And Keith Urban makes me drool!!!! I was fighting the urge to binge or numb feelings all day but especially at night…I didn’t. Here is my food log for Wednesday…gonna try to scale it down a bit because I also need to do Thursday.
Wednesday May 20
BREAKFAST:
Kashi Organic Promise Autumn Wheat cereal, 1 cup 190
Milk, 1%, 1 cup 102
LUNCH:
Watermelon, 1 cup, balls 49
canteloupe (rockemelon), 0.25 medium 50
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces 94
Onions, raw, 1 tbsp chopped 4
Celery, raw, 2 tbsp 2
Iceberg Lettuce (salad), 2 leaf 1
Hellmann’s , Real Mayonnaise, 1 Tbsp, 2 serving 180
DINNER:
Hot Dog, beef, 52 grams 172
White Bread, 24 grams 64
Ketchup, Heinz, 0.5 tbsp 8
Yellow Mustard, 1 tsp or 1 packet 3
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Dinner, 0.5 Serving (makes about 1 cup prepared) 205
SNACK:
Shurfine Wheat Bran Flakes, 1.5 cup 180
Milk, 1%, 1 cup 102
Banana, fresh, 1 small (6″ to 6-7/8″ long) 93
Banana, fresh, 1 small (6″ to 6-7/8″ long) 93
Jif Creamy Peanut Butter, 1 tbsp 95
CALORIES 1,687
Thursday came and I spent the morning doing last minute straighten up and steam-vac’d the carpet. The realtor came about 15 minutes early but I was ready other than A couple cereal bowls to be washed. She’s a nice person and I get along really well with her…for that I am thankful, but the pictures were a lot more involved than what I thought. I figured she would just go around and snap a shot of each room and be done. Well it was that but also closets and stuff…ahhh! I would have packed up more of our personal stuff if I had known that. These are just for the banks purposes but still…it felt VERY invasive and I was emotional…sucking it up til she was gone. Ive been waiting for this to happen for so long and now its coming…its starting to affect my kids more too…not just the house although its part of it, but the having to leave the area…at least for now. And quite honestly I probably wont move back here…I’ll stay closer to my family…I need them.
So yesterday afternoon my Mom called to see if we would be home…they came out and had dinner with My 14 y/o and me. After dinner I began to fill them in on the happenings. I did briefly on Saturday at game night but didn’t want to go into it then. Bottom line is…I and my kids are moving in with them temporarily. My dad had been working on their basement…its his work shop…he does a lot of wood working…he made my hope chest, night stands, a tv cabinet and many other little tables and shelves. He made my daughter a baby doll crib which was just so beautiful. Well he is clearing out all his table saws and tools so we can have a place to stay. He is going to be putting up walls and things so we can have our space. I am so thankful and yet feel so incredibly guilty. They should not have to have a grown daughter moving back home…at 43 no less. They raised us kids…then the have baby sat most of the grandkids…mine too at one time…then my Moms, Mom lived there until she passed and now my Dad’s Mom has been living there…they have not gotten a break…and let me say, the have NEVER said they don’t want to do this…that’s just who they are…loving. I just feel badly. Alright, gonna stop that and post my Thursday food journal…higher than I planned but Ive been on the move constantly. I did well at fighting off the urge to eat as in pig-out on Thursday too. I hope I can keep fighting it!
Thursday May 21
BREAKFAST:
Shurfine Wheat Bran Flakes, 1.5 cup 180
Banana, fresh, 1 extra small (less than 6″ long) 75
Milk, 1%, 1 cup 102
LUNCH:
Bagels, plain, 43 grams 118
Watermelon, 1 cup, balls 49
canteloupe (rockemelon), 0.25 medium 50
Jif Creamy Peanut Butter, 2 tbsp 190
Bagels, plain, 43 grams 118
DINNER:
Freshetta Naturally Rising Pepperoni Pizza (1/6), 0.73 serving 241
Vegetables, Mixed Salad Greens, 2 serving(s) 30
Green Peppers (bell peppers), 1 tbsp 3
Onions, raw, 1 tbsp chopped 4
Ken’s Fat Free Sun-Dried Tomato Vinaigrette, 2 tbsp 70
Freschetta Brick Oven Pizza-5 Italian Cheese (1/4 pizza), 87 gram(s) 226
SNACKS:
Kashi Organic Promise Autumn Wheat cereal, 1 cup 190
Milk, 1%, 1 cup 102
canteloupe (rockemelon), 0.25 medium 50
Banana, fresh, 1 extra small (less than 6″ long) 75
Watermelon, 1 cup, balls 49
CALORIES 1,923
And finally…I know this is a long blog but wanted to share my light bulb moment for anyone interested…it is more faith based.
Talking about everything with my parents last night…getting a bit emotional…we were also talking about some other situations in others lives…horrible things. We got on the subject of Jonah (in the Bible). I commented that with the struggle I have in opening myself up to be useful to God, I was afraid that I would wake up one day in the belly of a whale too. And my Dad softly said…Maybe you are right now…
Yea…maybe I am…
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Hey, sounds like it was really tough packing up the house….but you got through it and it will be hard but it is only a few more weeks and you can start moving on. This is really nice of your family, and try not to feel bad, they love you and that is what families are for. It won’t be for the long term: you will get things sorted again.
The eating looks good for the last 2 days.
Take care
i was talking to a friend of mine a couple weeks ago, we were talking about me possible staying there for a bit after i get back to the US. and one of the things he said to me, and probably one of the things i think your dad would probably say to you, was “when you come here, just don’t think of yourself as a burden. you’re not.”
Yeah Maria and Kylie…I guess its just very humbling…would much rather be on the giving end rather than the receiving side of it…
Thank you!
Ok Debbi, I know it’s hard to be on the receiving end, but take it from someone who has experience with this kind of thing, personal experience, as a parent, you’d much rather have you child living with you, knowing that you have a safe place, than other wise. Specially, if there are grandchildren involved. I know you all will help out, and it will give you some breathing room to get plans in order and excuted. Believe your folks when they say they don’t mind and they want you there. Let them do something to help you, it WILL MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER.
As for J’s stuff, what’s it been 2-3 years now, if he wanted it he’d have come and got it. Throw it out or call GoodWill! Stop worring about that.
Dang it, this ate my comment! Check it out
oh sweet Debbie. ((((((((((Debbie)))))))))))))
Your family just sounds incredible. I see where you get all the love and kind qualities you have. I am just so very happy they are there for you. Thats what family is all about.
If this helps at all, after my bitter divorce, I had to move back in with my parents. It happens, life happens.
Wish I could be there to give you a hug and tell you everything will be ok.
Great job on journaling your food
You take care my friend….sending you all the love and hugs I have
Jane
Hey girl,
I’m like everyone else here that think your parents are great. Yes, it is always easier to be on the helping end rather then the one being helped. I also have found this out. Yet, I know we are both thankful that they can and are willing to help us out. I just had to go awwwwww about the stuff your dad made. How sweet is that.
Now, as far as food–no pigging out ok. That will just make ya sick to your stomach..ewww.
One step at a time girl. Your beautiful and strong and your gonna make it. love ya!
Oh J better be glad your not like me—cause i’ve got a bit of a witch in me—his stuff would have went into the trash asap! lol. He wouldnt have been offered a chance to take it. lol
YOUR PARENT ARE GREAT AND YOU WILL BE FINE HOW FAR FROM WHERE YOU AE NOW WILL YOU BE MOVING. MAYBE THAT IS WHAT EVERYONE NEEDS A FRESH START!
Wow! You have GREAT parents!!!!
I am not suprised how wonderful your parents are cause I imagained some pretty wonderful people had to make you ! And maybe u r in the belly of a whale—there is only one thing to do now—get out ~~~ Thinking of you
Your parents will love having you guys around for a while. I think you will have fun actually
You are a brave and strong woman, I would have throw his crap out ASAP.
Becca…that is exactly what my parents said…
Going to try to just be thankful and push out the guilt.