The Very Dysfunctional Caterpillar
Even the very hungry caterpillar ate mostly fruits…and when he did eat junk he got a tummy ache and ate a leaf the next day. He learned his lesson and didn’t repeat a pattern of eating the bad crap….therefore turning into that beautiful butterfly I long to become.
I laid in bed last night with a tummy ache from oatmeal coconut cookies. I even argued with myself as I kept eating them. 
I wondered what exactly it was I was seeking for the food to satisfy. What am I looking to feel and why? Everyday I look to be my get back on track day. What happened to me and my desire to make goal? Why does it disappear each time I approach Onederland? I feel miserable being like this, but obviously I must be getting something out of it or I would want to change, right? I either really enjoy being fat or enjoy being miserable. Stuffed into my one and only pair of
Capri’s yesterday…size 18…felt gross. I was going onto 16’s and feeling really good a few months ago…what happened?
I am a dysfunctional caterpillar…a wanna-be butterfly. I watch the other butterflies emerge and fly off…so very beautiful…and I sit too fat to fly…alone on my leaf…eating my cookies and feeling sorry for myself. I’m the little fat caterpillar with the party hat on…I wear it day after day to have my pity parties.
I am trying to look inward…trying to unlock the doors and understand myself. What am I hiding from? Why am I shutting my healthy self out? I am going to keep knocking on doors…prying open the ones that are locked…breaking them in if need be. I need to know…I need to correct this or accept me as I am and smile proudly as a fat caterpillar…not being envious of those butterflies who worked so hard.
Its time to inch away from the picnic and head my caterpillar butt to the lush green woods with all the juicy leaves popping out on the trees. I’m going to learn to love the good stuff and notice how good it makes me feel. I might need a cane when I finally emerge from my cocoon for the last time but I AM going to become a butterfly!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qoYPLtqqVk
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aww, what a great blog! I LOVED the very hungry caterpillar when I was young, but had never thought about the story in relation to dieting, lol!
I hope you can find your motivation, I struggle too by messing up more days than I don’t but we just have to keep going! you can do it
:) 
JUST KEEP ON TRYING. MAYBE YOU ARE A LITTLE SCARED THAT IF YOU LOSE THE WEIGHT AND STILL ARE NOT HAPPY THEN WHAT DO YOU DO . SO IT IS GOOD THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT YOUR FEELINGS ARE NOW AND HOW THAT GOT YOU HERE. YOU CAN DO IT I HAVE FAITH IN YOU !!
Debbi, I think you could get paid to write. I am not kidding either. all of your blogs read like a short story. I love the analogy you have made. U r going to a be a butterfly sweetheart and everyday brings you closer.
This almost made me cry, because I feel so much the same way. I want so much to be what I picture in my head, then I find myself doing the exact opposite and gaining weight back, and I wonder desperately what the hell I am doing to myself. This definitely gave me something to think about.
I agree with Becky, you should write. I love how you really examine what is going on inside you. You keep weaving that cocoon, it is true a butterfly will emerge. Hugs!
Awesome blog! Love the comparisons to the Very Hungry Caterpillar and I really relate to what you’re saying here - I feel like I look and look but fail to see exactly what it is I’m trying to feed with the overeating. Is it lonliness? Boredom? Frustration? Fear? I can’t figure it out. I know now that I’m definitely self soothing… I tend to eat mindlessly when stressed and over-tired. What can I do to break the pattern?
I know that you will be back to those 16 capris soon - don’t beat yourself up too bad, but keep peering inside - and share what you find! It just might help some other fat caterpillars!
