Fat Debbi Is Winning…
I really want to understand myself…I don’t. Why is it every time I get close to Onederland by 5-15 pounds, do I shoot back up? Because I lose control and the deep desire and start eating like mad…why? I DON’T KNOW! I have asked this question several times before…Do I just WANT to be fat my whole life? If so…why? It has not protected me from heartache…so its not that. What is goi9ng on inside me that I am doing this? I keep trying to get a hold of myself and take baby steps…I am failing at even that. Where is my desire and drive? Where did I hide it and why? I so very much want to understand this. So many times along the way I get little bits of insight and understand more of why I use food the way I do…and yet here I am…still doing it. Why would I choose food over health? Why choose being miserable over enjoying life? I don’t want my fat self to win this battle. Yet day after day I eat more crap…last several weeks…lots of bagels…lots!…peanut butter…cake…and McD’s once or twice a week for a double cheeseburger and fries. I am so humiliated and ashamed to even put this out here. I am trying so hard to understand. This is eating me up mentally as much as physically. I wonder if I just want to be fat…but if so then why cant I accept myself that way and just be happy? I cant! So I go into this battle with myself to lose weight and yet sabotage myself along the way. I have wasted so many years playing this game instead of being productive in other ways.
Im still not sleeping well…averaging about 4 hours a night of sleep…laying awake in the middle of the night. Then Im a zombie all day. Im going to try to nap for about an hour and then get up and take care of some chores. Already searched the help wanted ads…nothing for me and no replies on the resumes I have sent out. I will be back in a bit to catch up on everyone.
Don’t give up on me…Im not quitting…just struggling badly…searching for answers and trying to find my way back…
XML Feed
Girl I just got back on track, after a two week pity party! The important thing is to get back on track! Hang in there girl you can and you will do it!
HUGS
Aww girl,
what can I say. Like you, i’ve been struggling too. Both of us face many issues outside our weight loss. I dont know about you but it seems like we barely get going and here comes something else & we get knocked off our path.
Shan once told me that I needed to toughen up–build a stronger me so that when things do happen–I’m able to keep going. At first, I was like how dare you…i’m trying..i’m just drowning here. But, even though it really hurt to hear those words–that is what i’ve been doing. I stray off path because of events I swear those words come back and haunt me! lol. So, not exactly sure on how that magic is supposed to take place so i’ve been doing a lot of reading and thinking–trying to toughen up. After all, more then half of this battle is waged in our heads..not physically.
I love ya girl–need anything just send me a note ok.
We all understand your struggle and I believe you will find your way back! I have faith in you so have faith in yourself. Onederland is just around the corner and I’ll tell ya its fabulous!!!
I KNOW IT MIGHT TAKE A WHILE FOR YOU TO GET THINGS TURNED AROUND BU I KNOW YOU WILL GET THERE. YOU WILL NOT LET FAT DEBBIE WIN
I am sorry you are struggling hon. I understand where you are coming from though. I was ONE freaking pound away from Onederland, and now I am 10 again. I can’t seem to keep the focus. I had a birthday this past week, and I totally used it as an excuse to pig out major. It is really frustrating because I get so close, and I find a reason to allow myself a “treat” so to speak. I had two pieces of cake and two donuts yesterday…this past weekend nothing but starches…I put my pants on today and wanted to cry. I am sorry to get on a soapbox, just wanted to let you know that I understand and am here if you need support. You can get back on track. I wish you well with everything else in your life as well.
Debbie, I know you are struggling and it’s hard, keep on plowing through, I’m preaching here, but get out you pen and paper and WRITE IT DOWN, can you clean out your pantry and kitchen? get rid of the temptations? keep something healthy with you at ALL times to snack on when the urge hits. These things sound kind of simple, but these are some tips that helped me before when I lost 50 pounds, big filling salads became my friend, even when Tony and I were out to lunch, which was a real treat for me,this was before he retired. HOld on and don’t let go. We love you. You’ll get through this. ((((hugs)))
PS: thanks, I’d forgotten some of these, I WILL be using them again, struggling here myself!
DRATT!! CHECK MOD, IT ATE MY COMMENT.
Aww, hugz, Debbi…
Idk why, but I feel for ya… I’ve lost the same weight over and over before, too… ya just gotta keep getting up and getting back on track.
You can do this, maybe not in one straight shot like you’d like, but in a winding uphill and downhill sort of pattern… still leads to the same place.
love ya
I’ve been here everytime I get into something new ex: the 160’s as soon as I hit 169lbs I went off on a tyrant binge for a couple weeks and gained 10 lbs. but I came back and I’m still fighting it off.
In some sort of way we all have been there Deb but we’re just glad you aren’t giving up on yourself. We’ll be here for you as long as you stay here :]
First off Deb, you are not fat, you are one amazing, loving, beautiful woman!!! and don’t you ever forget that.
It’s taken me 2 years to really get serious about my health. Something just kicked in, and now I’m just about obsessed with it
This may help for the eating issues.
I make a menu for each week….count the calories, the sodium, etc.
So far by sticking to it I am seeing results.
Cmon girlfriend…grab my hand, we will get there together…watch out ONDERLAND… Here comes Deb and Jane LOL!!!
Love ya
Jane
We all have struggles, but the lack of sleep is really doing you in, even increases the appetite. I would try focusing on some relaxation for now. You start getting your rest and it will go better. Prayers for you!
I know, it is honestly mental. There is something about the 200 lb mark. I say start over tomorrow, break the day into parts, try to get past certain times and just take baby steps to get back on track.
I agree with Kama…lack of sleep can be a real sabatoger! Try getting rested up…relaxation…this will prob help you get back on track. ….Thinkin about you!
*Not sure if that is a new pic…but I love it!
