readytoemerge

Just wanted to let you know I am ok. I am going through stuff…some old, some new. Havent done real well with it but I will be ok. Thanks for the messages. I love you guys and miss ya and I hope to get myself together and catch up with everyone soon. Thanks for checking on me…it really means a lot. Hugs to you… I Love ya bunches Buddies!

I have to keep remembering that I am not striving for perfection. I need to hold myself accountable but not beat myself down in order to do better. Yesterday did not go as well, BUT I didn’t do horrible…just could have made better choices.

My Mom called yesterday morning…she was FINALLY ready to get her ears pierced! So my daughter and I met up with my Mom and Dad and held her hand while she did it. I LOVE MY MOMMY! She looked so cute sitting in the chair. It went really well and hardly hurt her. I think she had built up a big fear and it turned out not to be bad after all. After that we went to get lunch. I had a crab cake sandwich and fries. I ate half the bun…I should have eaten none of it. And I ate fries…most but not all. I didn’t stuff myself, but I was definitely past where I needed to be.

Anyway, decided on the mini pizzas for dinner. I got the 100 calorie English muffins and turkey pepperoni. Again…some good choices mixed in there. And then my flop…brownies. They were on sale for a $1/box and I played the game…I’ll make then for the boys…yeah, the boys…guess what, I am now one of the boys. Had a scoop of ice cream with it…it was the sugar free kind. Choose better TODAY Deb!

I got back on track Monday with my eating and I glad to say I am down 2 pounds WITH TOM in tow! So I am looking to an even better weigh in next week when TOM is gone.

Have a SUPER Saturday buddies! Here’s to POSITIVE PROGRESS!!

I need to head out to the grocery today. My youngest is bringing a friend home after school and I am struggling with what to get for dinner. There are kids that love anything and kids that you cant please no matter what. Ive never met this boy so I don’t know what to expect. Im stuck for an idea. Was thinking maybe Sloppy Joes and even saw a recipe in HG Cookbook for Sloppy Janes. Then thought maybe Im safer letting them do the little English muffin pizza…I don’t know. What should I feed the little bears?

So I was wondering if anyone had a favorite…EASY dinner idea…Im just burnt out on ideas.

My day went well again yesterday although I still need to work on getting completely to hunger and not going past to crazed…heehee! Also still paying attention real hard to when am I really satisfied and stopping.

Yesterdays food went like this.

7:00 am ~ Chex Multi-Bran cereal (1 1/2c) w/ 1% milk (1/2c)

12:30 pm ~ Tomato soup (aprox 1 1/2c) w/ wheat saltines (8)

                   Sandwich Thin with last of the egg salad! (aprox 1/4c)

3:00 pm ~ HG Choc cupcakes (2) w/ lite Cool Whip

6:40 pm ~ Pork BBQ sand (3 oz. chopped lean pork on Sand Thin w/ lt. mayo and bbq)

                  Potato (2 small)-baked, quartered and browned in little canola oil.

10:00 pm ~ Apple w/ 1 1/2T peanut butter (you didn’t think I would miss my PB did you?)

Water=120 oz…Im a thirsty girl!

Why does it always seem like so much when you write it out? Ah! Its hard to let go of “dieting” rules and just focus on simply eating when your body calls for it. I look and see all the areas I could have made better choices. I guess that will come in time.

Im going to try to read blogs and comment…got too frustrated with the Comment Mod yesterday. He is really picking on me this past week and I just give up sometimes…even ate my own comment on my own blog! Why I oughta! Such evil little thought running through my mind on how to slaughter a computer function…MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Have a FABULOUS weekend buddies!

This moderator is driving me CRAZY! I cant tell you how many of my comments have gone to that thing today alone…Ahhhhh!

Please check for yours. Go to your Dashboard (where you write your blogs). On the right hand side it lists Recent Activity and below that Comments in MODERATION. Click there and approve these comments…set them free…haha! Then kick the Moderator at least twice while screaming, your stooopid!

I feel better now…

Im not sure but I think a Robin has magical powers. When I see them hopping around the yard or hear them singing…it just lifts my spirits…it brings hope. I think its one of the reasons I love Spring…that feeling of coming out of the dark, cold, lonely winter. Hope that there are brighter days ahead…warmer days ahead…joy and life ahead. I watched them this morning just before the sun was up…hopping around the yard…checking me out in the window watching them. I don’t know if this feeling will last, but Im praying it does. I still feel the other things Im dealing with…but the hope is bubbling up too. Its 32 degrees right now but Spring is in the air…I FEEL it!

Yesterday went good. Still working on waiting for hunger, stopping when satisfied. Still trying to figure my stomach out and if what I feel is what I think it is or not. Im pretty sure I have sinus issues but will stick it out with OTC meds…still have a headache and very sleepy. Enjoyed having all my boys here last night (my daughter ended up not being here tho). Things went really good with only a few small problems. I like to laugh and cut up with them…we don’t get enough of that. But anyway…here is my food journal for yesterday.

9:30 am~Egg Beaters (1/2 c)

               Mini bagel w/ butter (1t.)

1:45 pm~Egg salad on Sandwich Thin

               Mini pretzels (1/2 serv)

               Small apple w/ peanut butter (1 T)

5:35 pm~Chicken Alfredo (Pizza Hut) (aprox 1 1/2c)

                2 breadsticks (these were not good but I ate them???WHY???)

                Cherry vanilla yogurt, non fat 6 oz

8:00 pm~Hungry Girl Choc. Cupcake (2) w/ Lite Cool Whip (aprox 2 T)

Water = 96 oz.

My stomach was beginning to rumble before I went to bed…but I didn’t eat and this AM I woke up hungry…a first in a while.

Ready for a GREAT THURDAY BUDDIES??? Lets do this! Spring is coming…clothes get smaller…lighter…less. We want less to cover up right? So come on and make today the best you can make it…just today…start with this morning and go one step at a time. If you screw up at one meal…Get it right the next meal. Don’t use one lapse in judgment as an excuse to blow the whole day or the whole week. I did recently and gained 6 pounds over 2 weeks…Don’t do it! We don’t need to be perfect…I struggle with this too. If I cant be perfect, I’ll be a perfect failure…NO! We don’t have to be one or the other. Just the best we can be…

Mind vs. Stomach…Day 2!

The day went pretty well. Learning to wait for hunger and not base my eating on what time the clock says. I almost feel like a little kid stomping their feet sometimes when I see its noon and Im not hungry…its supposed to be time to eat.

I also am struggling just a bit with fear of going past satisfied to stuffed. So a couple times yesterday I needed to go back for more food after I had what I thought would be enough. I find my stomach still feeling like its giving me those hunger rumbles and then I wonder if what Im feeling is just the digesting of the food. MENTAL vs STOMACH. Really, it should not be such a big deal. If I eat past satisfied/full all I need to do is wait it out for the hunger again…simple right? I like to complicate it…silly me. Im afraid if I go over once I will do it again and fall back to old ways.

I am also still feeling really tired and have this headache…still. Possible sinus related…or maybe new BP meds I started??? So, I didn’t get much done around the house yesterday. I watched American Idol and Biggest Loser last night…thank goodness for Tivo! I definatly have my favs on idol…Danny being one. And BL continues to disappoint me…my best girl went home last night. Im really not liking Ron much lately.

Im planning on getting much more accomplished around here today. I will have all my kiddos here this afternoon and tonight. Looking forward to it…not the fighting I know will come with it…but I don’t get much time with my 17 y/o son anymore.

Alright…so here is my food journal from yesterday. You will begin to see a pattern…I LOVE cereal and peanut butter. And for whatever reason in the last couple days…eggs. That wont last long…can only handle eggs for a while and then its like Ive had my fill and I cant even swallow them…weird I know.

9:50 am~2 eggs (scrambled)

                Mini bagel w/ butter (aprox. 1 t.)

1:20 pm~Egg salad on a Sandwhich Thin

               Light chips (small serv)

2:20 pm~Apple (small) w/ 1 T. peanut butter

5:15 pm~Lean boneless pork chop (about 3 oz)

                Baked potato (med) w/ light butter (aprox 1 ½ T)

               Celery (lg stalk) w/ peanut butter

8:15 pm~Choc Pudding (fat free sugar free) W/ lite Cool Whip

10:15 pm~Multigrain Chex Cereal (1 1/2c) w/ ½ c 1% milk

Water~96 oz.

Well…I do believe my stomach is calling…time to make some breakfast…Yay!

Happy Wednesday!!

So I wanted to fast until I found TRUE hunger. It took me about 17 hours to find it, but I did wait to make sure it was REAL. It really went pretty well overall. I did end up with a headache by late afternoon and still have it. I think it comes not only from not eating…but also the mental strain on my brain to not eat until I am hungry. I went through something similar years ago and do seem to remember the same issue.

For me, this is a spiritual battle as well. But I wont get deep into that. I will say that I am going to do a bible study with a buddy and it is based on a book about moderation. I also signed up for a free online bible study course to walk me through this too. I started that yesterday also and have begun to re-shift my head to where I know it has needed to be. I am hoping that this will also help me in some of my other areas of struggle…including the depression. It is very similar to a program I did called Weigh Down Workshop. For me and my relationship with God…it was an awesome thing.

I am journaling my food, but not for the purpose of tracking calories or counting points. For accountability help I am going to include it here. Remember…I am not focused at this moment on the healthiest choices necessarily…just waiting for hunger and stopping when I am satisfied.

3:00pm~TLC multigrain crackers (10) w/ Laughing Cow swiss lite wedge

              McD fruit & yogurt parfait

4:30pm~3/4 of a small banana choc chip muffin (homemade)

7:00pm~Egg salad sandwich w/ small serv. of light potato chips

9:30pm~Multigrain Chex cereal (1 ½ c) w/ ½ c 1% milk

Water total= 72 oz.

So that was my day. I will also say that in order to not focus on when hunger was going to come, I kept myself busy with some household chores. It got me up and moving anyway rather than moping and sitting on my hiney! I will do more of the same today. My son spilled a bowl of cereal this morning so I will be dragging out the steam-vac to clean the carpet and will also be mopping the floors. Job searching is also on the top of my list…not many choices out there recently…I am getting scared.

Have a great Tuesday Buddies!

The temps over the weekend were wonderful…very spring-like. I opened up the windows in the house yesterday. It felt so nice to have the fresh air move through the rooms. A nice soft breeze blowing into the living room and onto my face as I sat in my chair…doing a little reading. Its amazing what something like that can do for you. Spring fever…yep, Ive got it! Spring and Fall are my most favorite seasons. It actually motivated me enough that I got a few things done around here. Nothing major but anything is progress right now.

My plan today is to fast until I find TRUE hunger. I have been doing a lot of emotional eating to fill the emotional hunger. I’ll tell you, I sure can pack on the pounds very quickly when I do that. I feel gross. I feel sluggish and groggy from my food choices. This week I am going to focus on finding my TRUE HUNGER again. When I eat I will choose what I want and then pay attention to making sure I stop as soon as I feel satisfied…not stuffed…not overly full. I will worry about adding healthier food choices soon.

I have been having trouble with my knees over the last week or so. They hurt. I don’t know if I broke the last straw the last time I had done the BL workout with the lunges and squats…but they are really aching…grinding. Its very uncomfortable to stand up and sit down or go up and down the steps. I am afraid this is the first big health issue I will face from my overweight life. I guess what I don’t understand is why they hurt more now than when I was 50 pounds heavier.

I am still struggling with sadness. Still working on what I need to do and accepting my life is changing. I hope to embrace it one day soon. I am also still considering calling the Doc about meds…just not quite there with it.

So today…FRESH START! Spring is closing in and my weight needs to go back down. I want to start hiking the trails again soon and the less weight I have to lug up those trails…the better.

Hoping you all enjoyed your weekend. Have a great week Buddies!

6 pounds…yep…6! 4 pound gain from this past week and 2 from the week before. I did it. I made the choice to eat crap…stuff I didn’t really even want. Just falling back into that eating to fill the void thing. Knowing is wasn’t right…knowing it wouldn’t work. Yet I chose day after day to do it and here I am.

I will get upright again…I will not quit. And I TRULY hope I do not chose to continue the upward gain. Its not worth it and I know that. There is a
LOT of knowledge in my head in relation to the weight loss…I am struggling with the action part right now. The desire.

It is frustrating that we can make such progress from our old ways of thinking…only to land smack back in the middle of it again. Only this time its worse because I know better.

Anyone having dealt with little children…when they do something wrong…and they know it was wrong…and you ask why did you do that?…and they look up at you with innocent eyes and say…I DON’T KNOW! Well maybe my eyes aren’t innocent but I still have to say…I DON’T KNOW…I don’t know why I choose something to set me back on this long long journey. It makes me want to pound my head against a tree and dislodge whatever is stuck in there…whatever is wrong. This is by far THE biggest emotional battle…mental battle…spiritual battle, for me.

My weight ticker is adjusted. The scale is tucked back away and I will not get it out until next Saturday. I will lose at LEAST 1 pound by next week…1 pound…I can do that…I am worth that…my kids are worth that…my life is worth it.

So…my confession…my outing my shameful gain is finished.

It is absolutely BEAUTIFUL here…and warm. Going to open up the windows and get fresh air through the house…oh how I need this! I am going to walk outside and then enjoy my family game night tonight.

I hope you all enjoy your weekend!

So…baby steps. I have done them before…I have offered them in advice…multiple times…now its time to take them.

I have been playing the “I’ll Start Tomorrow” game…even the “I’ll Start On MONDAY” game. It’s a dumb move…I know it. So here I am and going to take a few tiny baby steps.

1) Journal all food (and post it daily?)…good or bad.

2) 15 minutes of walking in for at least the next few days…then bump it up.

3) Water…continue drinking water…increasing amount.

4) Accomplish something worthwhile in regard to housework.

That’s it. Those are the baby steps. Pathetic? Probably…but its all I got, so Im giving it my all.

Here’s to getting back up and taking baby steps!

Happy Friday all!