Feeling Like The Scarecrow…
No brain activity and floppy…limp…lifeless. Where did my fight go? I want to have it…I don’t. I don’t have the energy to even fake it. I am so afraid of screwing up horribly and yet I just don’t care. I want to care. This is so stupid! I know its about making a choice…I KNOW this! Why am I choosing to not care? AHHHHHHHHHHH!
I had to find my SS card for the hearing tomorrow. Looking for it literally took all I had. I’m drained. I am scared and sick about tomorrow. I feel disgusting from my food choices and lack of exercise. Yep…I am now whining…so attractive.
This is my journey…putting it alllll out there. The good, the bad, and lately the very ugly truth of my melt down. Guess I keep hoping that if I reveal myself this way…it might help me to straighten up quicker. Like I always thought if I was on some tv weight loss show for all the world to see, would I be able to do it then…due to embarrassment or shame if nothing else? So here I am in all my glory. Got to my half way point of weight loss and now I am letting it go.
Lord please help me to help myself. Pull me from this depression and sadness. Help me to know there is a wonderful life out there and I can enjoy it so much better…so much longer if I take care of this body you gave me. I have no right to whine and cry. I have so many things to be thankful for…so many. Please help me stop this madness and value myself the way you intend.
Ive got some serious talking to do to myself…Ive got to find the courage to face these things…Ive got to get stronger…its time…digging…digging deeper than ever before…I will win this, so help me I will.
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You can do this Deb. You just need to hold on tight and get it together. In your heart you know that you HAVE to do this…now make your head understand! Don’t you dare give up, don’t you dare! Keep on venting, keep on blogging, keep on reaching out for support, keep doing what you have to do! We are hear for you. Let’s go Deb…it is time to move forward, not back!
I know tomarrow is gonna be a bitch of a day and that your dreading it. One thing about it, at least its done whatever the outcome. I’ll be hoping for the best outcome for you guys.
Your facing a lot. Here’s the deal girl…I want a promise from you. If you ditch all your weight loss efforts, and stop taking care of yourself. I want a promise that when you come out the other side and think…omg, what have I done, because you’ve gained your weight back or even more…I want a promise that you will NOT give up the fight. I dont want you to roll over and play dead…do I have that promise??? I wouldnt worry about this if we could set our emotions aside and just deal with things as they come. We put our hearts into things. I dont worry you wont make it–I know you will. I worry that if you gain your weight back, stress and not taking care of yourself, that you will decide to give it all up. Dont!! Dont you even dare!! You are worth more then that!
love ya girl, debbie
kicks moderator folder in frustration…thief, give me my comment back!!
Deb, you can do this! hang in there.God will give you strength, just keep asking.i’ll be you in my prayers. i know how you feel ,depression is hard to fight but it is possible.
Take a look at your weight loss graph!!! You have worked hard and have been very successful!! I know you do NOT want to throw that all away!!! Are you drinking plenty of water?
Come on-today is a new day to do it right. You will be soo proud of yourself. I know you can do it!!!
deb….i want you to try this…Our LORD tells us to cast all evil, bad thoughts in Jesus name….when you are having any thoughts of letting go…the devil is laughing in your face..repent….for all your sins and ask God to help you thru this…don’t feed into your bad thoughts STOP them immediately…..we need to be strong…God wants us to be happy and have joy in our life…we do have to face troubles but he aways find a way out for us….pray…hon…this is a test of faith….you are a fighter….turn all your worries in God hands….sometimes we are confident in other things…ex….let say a chair that you sit on you sit on it confident that is going to hold you and you not going to fall…so if you are confident in that chair…you should be confident that he got you girl…all you got to do is seek and ask…the door will open….love…you…((((HUGS)))
You are under alot of stress right now and that will suck the life right out of you. No fight left - don’t care - Normal reaction. Be kind to yourself.. It’ a like having the flu. Nurture yourself for a day or two at most. Rest, recover, and then (like it or not) give yourself a swift kick in the butt and GET BACK AT IT. Yep, it will be hard… but you are a strong person, and I’d take bets that you can do it! YOU are the BOSS of YOUR life! Keep venting… Your friends are here to listen.
I would like to challenge you to take at least 1 half/hour walk this week (weather permitting) in a place you feel comfortable walking. Forget what’s going on in your life (for just 1 half/hour) when you do this. Really look at what’s around you… Colors, smells, people, impressions.. whatever! Look around yourself… Then tell us about it.
Hugs Debbie
I know you are stressed about tomorrow and everything that’s going on is so exhausting.
You need to go and take care of things tomorrow and have that weight lifted.
You need to take control of your life.
You can do it.
Look at how well you’ve done and all you’ve accomplished.
You aren’t letting it all go you are just going through a tough time right now.
A time when its hard to be UP and to feel motivated.
But taking charge and doing whats best for YOU will help.
Think about how great it felt to workout.
Pop a workout DVD in and burn some calories while you get rid of stress.
I know you’ll be happy you did.
You can do it Deb
Big big hugs
Lori
Im in tears…and I thank you for the support and love.
If I can get through tomorrow without puking on the judge I think I will feel a little better. I just really feel like crap about this bankruptcy and that on top of Jeff’s rejection of our marriage…well, Id just like to be well past this point.
Thank you guys for being here still.
Im crying but feel a tiny bit stronger at this very moment…love ya!
Again, I am at a lost for words of comfort but you already got so much love going already. You are a beautiful person Deb! I will think of you and keep you in mind as you go through the process tomorrow. I will look for your blog and wait for an update. You will get through tomorrow and it will be ok! ((((((((DEBBIE)))))))))
The Judge will love you…
Sorry, didn’t finish… Just be yourself.
don’t give up! be kind to yourself, though- you’re going through a lot. so what if every day isn’t perfect and so what if you gained a couple pounds. hang in there, you’ll get through it.
Debbie, I want to say I love you and am and will be with you in spirit. Remember you are a good person and worthy of respect and love. You will not be alone tomorrow. God will be with you and guide you. And we are with you in spirit. Hugs, Kama
You can make it, Deb, I know you can… I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow, whatever happens, at least that much will be behind you and you will be that much closer to resolving all this craziness you’ve been going through.
Just remember that we all love you and care about you. All this is not your fault so don’t beat yourself up about it. Hold your head high and just be proud that you are such a wonderful person. Just look at all the people here that are on your side. Hang in and good luck tomorrow.
((((hugs)))
Hey Deb I’ll be thinking of you today… I know it’ll be rough, but I also know that you have the strength of character and spirit to get through this. And we’ll be here on the other side ok?