Liar, Liar, Pants On FIRE!
Do you consider yourself to be an honest person??? I do…very much so. Truth is very important to me. Especially after the couple years I’ve had. I have had a few betrayals in my time…not just with the husband…but so called “friends”. I really do not like liars!
Guess what I realized yesterday? I…am a LIAR! Yep…me. A big fat liar! A liar to you…No! A liar to my family…my kids…No! I have been a liar to MYSELF. I am honest with others…but to myself…not so much…at least until recently.
Here are where my thoughts were. I lied to myself in order to survive as a fat woman. I had to tell myself…its not that bad…you’re not that big…I’m not hurting anyone. (Ya getting the picture). I couldn’t look at myself fully in the mirror…I diverted my eyes to see only what was necessary. Make sure everything was covered up and that my skirt wasn’t tucked in the back of my pantyhose. I am still having trouble with it but its getting better. I have trouble looking at people when I go out. I normally try to focus on what I’m doing and not on the people around me. I am TERRIFIED of running into someone I used to know or dated. I would lie to myself in order to be able to go out to the grocery store and not feel ashamed of what people must think at the crap I put in my cart. Oh…I have a BIG family…it’s for my kids…3 growing boys ya know…not for me. Please! I hid a lot of the crap so I could eat it ALONE! Yep, the fat woman in me cannot survive with truth…that is why she has fought so hard…she wants to stay in this fat Cocoon…it’s safe in there but only because of the lies.
I have hurt myself more than anyone else could have…I betrayed myself. But no more.
The light is shining inside that Cocoon and beginning to light up all the dark places…all the little creases where lies can hide and thrive. The fat lady is starting to shrivel up. She has been revealed and I am calling her out. It’s on BABY! No more of you controlling the me that got lost and buried underneath your big behind. NO MORE! I need Truth…I need Light…I need to be Honest with myself. Sometimes that honesty hurts…it can be painful…but it has to come out in order to gain strength. It has to come out so the BEAUTIFUL person inside can come out…that butterfly…the one trying so hard to grow strong and escape the dark cocoon and FLY…FLY BABY FLY!
Are you being honest with yourself? Are you ready to FLY?
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This one really got to me. I’ve done the same exact thing. But, like you, working on changing my ways. Its not easy and it can be painful, but it is so worth it!
Come on girl, fly-spread those wings & i’m gonna dance with joy!! So proud of ya you know it?? Its not that we can do this, its that we are doing it!!
Much love going your way, debbie
Great Post!
Thanks for giving me something to think about today.
Debbie, just read your response, you are so right…. “its not that we can do this, its that we are doing it!!!!!
I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky!……. woooo hoooooo…. lets fly today ladies!
great blog . congrats on the weight loss . we can do this !
ya , here you go agian taking my life and putting it into words. You know the song “killing me softly”" LOL anyways i know where you are coming from.When i am in the grocery store or any store for that matter and i see someone i know, i run the other way to make sure i don’t run into them.Well thanks for sharing your blog . you helped me open my eyes. Thanks God for lisrening to your inner self and sharing your discovories. You are awsome.Once again, thanks for being you anf thanks for being my friend! May you be Blessed today and always!!!!Love ya
it ate my words, just know i love ya deb! you are very special…
Wonderful blog…completely and accurately true! I too have done the same thing and I too want to never lie to myself again. We will do this…hang in there girl…you are doing just fine
deb, you are right i love to be a honest person to others but not to myself as well….i use to say honesty is the best policy, where did that go in therms to me….the one who i should care the most…so how do we expect others to be honest to us if we failed to do it…our selfs…well honey…my debs, we are doing it now….fly…fly…fly……………..
singing” i will survive”
I love honesty as well. I have been betrayed by people in life too. I just let them go.
Beautiful blog Debb. I can see us now, you and me 20 years later still on BS…talking about the good old days and still trying to losing some weight.
hehehe
LOVE YA!
What is going on on this site this morning? First Deb and now you!! You are so right…I can relate to you in that my BIGGEST pet-peeve is LYING!! I can’t stand it and I am willing to lose friends and family over it. NO JOKE. In fact, I just caught someone in a lie and although I really like her, she is on her way OUT—of my life that is. BUT you brought up a very good point….keeping the truth from self. WOW. Thanks for shedding some light on that and I hope that now that you have found the TRUTH, you can continue to move forward and FLY!
I’m ready to fly!!!
I’ve lied to myself… who hasn’t and when I realized that I lied to myself is when I looked in the mirror a couple weeks back I thought WTF was I thinking, when I’d look in the mirror when I was heavier I didn’t see the fat, I seen what I needed to see. Boy was I ignorant. Love your blog today!
wonderful wonderful blog. i feel the same way. i got honest when i came here.
Love your blog that was truly so very inspiring…I loved it!!!
I have done some of those things, too. What an enlightening blog. Thank you!
You always prove to be such an inspiration woman. And sometimes kicking your own butt is the best medicine. Keep up the good work!
Wow this is so true. I did this too. Keep writing, you really get to the heart of it.
I feel it is a relief to quit living a lie, don’t you?
Your blogs always touch me. It seems like you can see into my mind and heart. I have lied to myself so long. I’m not eating that much, why am I so fat. I will exercise, tomorrow. I am destined to be fat; it’s genetics. I don’t want to be one of those little skinny girls. Well, no more lying. Thanks for the inspiring blog.
I think there is some Debbi in all of us
I so relate to this one. I pride myself on being honest Abette… I preach my honesty is the best policy to the people at the group home too. But then I go and lie to myself for all these years. I am so glad we are done lying to ourselves!
I can so relate!!! Great blog Debbie!!!
