Coming Slooowly To Some Realizations…
One being, old habits really ARE hard to break. Between stresses of my life, the holidays, the birthdays and my old style celebration ways, I managed to gain 3 pounds. No excuses…it is what it is and I did it. Quite honestly, Im surprised its not more. I tried to push out the negative stuff and have fun. And…overall I did. I enjoy being around my family. We laugh, we have fun, we EAT. We played cards…a game called Nertz…fun. Always counters and islands FULL of yummy, tempting foods. I partook 
Second realization…Can’t teach an old dog new tricks. While I disagree partly, I am back to not exercising either. I’ve been tired and busy and have not made the time. Went back to my old ways of being that old hound dog laying on the front porch…just laying…looking and laying.
Third realization…a sad one for me…a sloooooow sinking in one for me. J is not the same man anymore. No matter how much I try to convince myself it is over and done, I have kept inside me a secret hope of some wonderful, romantic reconciliation. Hey, I grew up with Cinderella and Snow White…I thought he was my Knight…my Prince. Its been difficult over the last week with shopping together, birthdays together and Christmas morning. It is hard to change certain traditions, especially when you dont want to. Its hard when you want to keep things good for the kids.
We had a melt down last night…on my youngests B-day. Not in front of anyone. Tension had been building and we had to step away for 15 minutes to talk…it didnt go well. We had an issue as we left the pizza place my son chose for his dinner. We saw an ex-employee in the resturant…one who stole just under $1000 prior to quitting. Used a card set up for fuel purchase to make some large PERSONAL purchases at an auto parts store and Walmart plus petty cash withdrawl. J wanted to have it out with him…IT WAS OUR SONS BIRTHDAY…Hello! Then to make it worse, this guy…Mr Whimp face to face…calls J 40 minutes later and begins taunting that his dinner was on us and laughing because even the cops said there was nothing we could do…
These are some of the things I dont GET in life. You try to let go of something (like someone stealing from you) and it gets shoved in your face when you are trying to enjoy your childs day. All we’ve seen is the “BAD Guys” get away with it and you try to do whats right and pay a price for it. Why??
OK…Going to be ok…I WILL be ok. I hope sooner than later becasue I am very weary. I dont want to have to keep fighting for happiness…but I guess as long as I have to I will. I got partially sucked down in J’s spiral down last night…I grabbed onto something so I didnt go all the way. Today I will pull myself back to my feet. Ive got paperwork to take care of and then on to packing. Oh and my mother-in-law is supposed to be coming here. It always churns up hard things…like not being a part of that family anymore. Have to face it tho I guess to move forward.
Starting Longest Loser and hope it gives me the kick in the butt I need to regroup and head down on the scale again. Exercise may take more of a back seat until I find a place and get moved but I will do my best to fit at least 30 minutes in 3-4 times a week of something.
I hope Christmas was wonderful for you all. I hope to catch up on some of the blogs today off and on. I love my support system here and I am so thankful. Have a great weekend!!
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Well…I think its hard in any relationship when people change. Its hard to navigate. Successful relationships learn how to adapt to those changes, and sometimes, you just cant, no matter how hard you try…
I have been there with my own ex. There are days I wish he wasnt my ex. And that he was the knight of my dreams I married as well…
And I too still have contact with my ex, and that is VERY hard.
I swear, being friends is harder than hating each other…
As for the confrontation of the man that stole from you. I kind of get that. Maybe his hurt and anger just took over his senses…I kind of understand that as I do that a lot too…
I dont have any answers…Just wanted you to know I understand, at least a little…Take care…
hang in there you- you can do this. I can’t even pretend to know exactly how you feel- the relationship you have had with J is much longer and probably stronger than any of the one’s I’ve had, but I know how I’ve felt when things have ended and it hurts. I’m here if you ever need to talk- I wish that there was more I could do though!
it’ll be fun! hehe… maybe. but it would definately be good for you. 
Can’t teach an old dog new tricks? lol- I think it’s breaking the old ones thats so hard. Again though- you can do it! hehe… how about a challenge from now to the 2nd- 30 minutes of exercise a day and at least 4 servings of fruits and veggies?
Well CRAP! OK Kylie…cant turn you down dangit
Youre on!!
Hey there girl….just reading your words I can feel you….I could only imagine what you are going through, I wouldnt know how to move on from that point if I were in your shoes….but you are a well of power and strength, even if you dont feel any stronger than a mouse….There is an inner you that will be there to catch you when you fall, listen to her, let her out of the shell….some people you cant change no matter what, but you have the power to change You for the better, sometimes we change ourselves for the worst and we dont even see it…thats how we made these bad habits, thats how we lost ourselves along the way….but we can change, there is no old dog, there is a beautiful woman, strong and free just busting out
Be beautiful, be you and know that whatever each day brings, you can handle it and look forward to another new day, a new day is a new chance to make things right!
Peace Always,
Leah♥
Hey..I just want to tell you that I too have gained 3 pounds…I have felt terrible about it…so, I understand what you are saying.I’m dustin’ myself off and getting back with the program-sounds like you are too!! YAY!
Sounds like you have had a good time with your family playing games and having fun! Sorry for your disappointment with the other areas in your life. Hang in there! You are a wonderful person-strong! 2009 is gonna be our year!!
Hey things sound like they’re not the greatest for you, but you have such a great attitude about it. I have all faith you’ll get things turened back around and on the right track again. I gained weight too nothing we can do about it, but hope that the food at least tasted good right lol. Hope your son enjoyed his bday!
Hey girl,
Glad your taking kylie up on her suggestion. Yay.
As for the holidays, except that one disturbance..I can see you guys had fun. I know your facing a lot..things I cant even imagine..but, I love ya girl and I know your gonna make it through all this. Meanwhile, we are here as you well know.
This is a brand new year…got some old things that are changing..and new things coming..so I hope you guys have many exciting things happen in this new year.
Love Debbie
Well what a bummer, and on your kid’s birthday to. Let me reassure you that those kind of people DO get what they deserve. Sometimes they even get it when we can see it. I know from personal experience with a friend. Her husband was screwing around with a much younger woman, while she was undergoing chemo treatments, they thought she had 6 months to live. The day she found out she was in remission, he told her he wanted a divorce. Then proceeded to string her along with “maybe we can work it out” until he got what he wanted, which was ALL the assets that they had accumulated over 16 years. But he got his, the younger woman, which he did marry, took him for a little over 3/4 of what he was worth. I cheered, it was most satisfying to see it happen. Aren’t I bad? Not at all forgiving.
As far as you and J, all I can say is I’ve been married for 41 years and I’ve found out that even when you still love them, there are no knights and princes, and everybody changes. Good luck, take care of yourself.
If this shows up twice sorry the computer ate my comment. What a cappy thing for that guy to do. I can’t say I blame J for wanting to get him. But it was your sons birthday so no need to mess that up. I can tell you that sometimes people like that get what they deserve here and now. I know, I had a friend that was undergoing chemo treatments, they told her she had 6 months to live. Her husband told her he wanted a diviorce on the day she found out the cancer was in remission. Turns out that he had been screwing this @#$%^ the whole time my friend had been sick. I guess he was disappointed she didn’t go ahead and die. If that wasn’t bad enough, he strung her along, kept telling her that maybe they could work things out and get back together, until he got her to sign away her interest in the business they had built together. He got his in the here and now, he married that person and about 2 years later she took him for around 3/4 of what he was worth, which was a lot. I cheered. I know that’s not nice, but I’m not very forgiving aobut things like that. By the way my friend lived for another 21 years.
I’ve been married for nearly 42 years now, and I have learned that even when you love them there aren’t any Knights or Prince Charmings no Cinderellas or Snow Whites, we just do the best we can. It tough, but people change and sometimes we don’t like how they change. I’m sorry for all the drama in you life right now, please remember to take care of yourself. ((((HUGS from your freind))))
I was nodding my head as I read your post. I too have seen the “bad guys” get away with so much, hurting others, and it is hard to accept that being the better person feels like crap sometimes. But I always remind myself that I am true to myself, honest, and will never be what they are. Having to use others or hurt others to get by in life is not an enviable position.
I joined the Longest Loser too
I love the challenges on here. They are so motivating.
You seem to do a lot of thinking and introspection and want to do what is right, and I respect that so much. I’m sending you a hug too, hope you can stand one more!
Ah Debbie hon…I just feel for you. Everytime I read your blog about J I think of the pain I went through with the ex.
They do change don’t they? You are so on the road to regaining your power sweetie. It’s one day at a time. Acknowledging that J is not the guy you married and he may not be your knight in shining armor of your youth, will help you take that next step towards a future that is better for you.
It took me years to get over my ex. Granted it wasn’t as long as what you had with J, I had to let go of that dream and start creating new ones.
What you are going through hon, I’ve gone through multiple times but on a smaller scale. Evictions, BK’s, repossession, jail….etc. gone through it all. I always thought we would stick through it all, but it wasn’t meant to be.
BUT I’m glad it didn’t work. I have a good one now and I count my blessings every day.
You’ll pull through DEB! I know you will. OK, gotta go wipe the tears I shed for both of us.
You have a fighting spirit - You will come out of this stronger then ever J or J-less, you are a winner!
Hey glad to hear you still got your fighting spirit and the holiday went well.
You have had a lot going on Deb. Moms amaze me. You seem to handle all of this with such grace and strength. It is unbelievable what the creep who stole the grand did after seeing you all on your kiddo’s birthday. I think it is best to not give “those kinds” the satisfaction of seeing you sweat. I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling with your ex being an ex now. I can’t pretend to know what it is like. I just got out of a 6 1′2 year relatioship but I wa snot married and have no children. And he was NEVER anything close to a knight in shining armor… I am thinking of you and sending prayers your way. Stay strong—u will prevail!