THUD THUD THUD!
This is me…banging my head out of frustration. Frustration with myself.
WARNING!!! Venting To Follow…Blog emotions may be intensified by PMS or lack of sleep or the combination of the two. May be further intensified by anger due to Saturday morning sleep broken by sound of deer hunters (aka, my neighbors) blasting their shotguns! May be best to back slowly out of this blog…You have been warned.
Ive got ONE leg trying to walk the walk…the other trying to run wild! ONE side of my mouth trying to talk the talk…the other eating cupcakes. ONE side of my brain trying to focus on the important things…the other plotting complete rebellion!
WHAT is wrong with me? I feel TWO faced. Im trying to focus. I was on here a lot yesterday trying to keep my head in the right place. I should have been doing so many other things but felt I needed this. And what did I do anyway??? Ate in between, finishing the day with leftover cupcakes my daughter baked for today! I just said in another blog that I dont want to waste more time…and look at me…I wasted NO time getting straight back to failing myself. I swear sometimes I think I am out to destroy my own life.
I HAVE TO CHANGE THIS…Now, not later.
As I lay there this morning, I had Michaels words flying around in my head. He is a WISE man, our new buddy here is! The first thing was what he left as a reply on my last blog…”Persistence is better than perfection”…how true. But here is my first struggle. I am a Discouraged Perfectionist…a Failed perfectionist. I strive so hard to make it just right (whatever at the time IT is) and when it doesnt come out how I envisioned, I give up on everything. Whats sad is, I even see this in my kids…so now I see a bad mommy on top of it. I have to embrace the PERSISTENCE and be good with that. How do I do that? I really want to. I guess like everything else…baby steps. Let me try to get through this day…Saturday, December 20th, 2008, doing the best I can do.
The second thing I laid thinking about was Michaels blog about Vision. If you missed it, I urge you to read it. He wrote, “Vision without action is daydreaming. Action without vision is a nightmare.” Guess what…Im a Daydreamer as well! I map it out, plan it out, print my little calendars for the next 6+ months and figure how much I should weigh by when and when I should be at goal. So much energy…so much time used up in that process. I couldnt even tell you how many times in my life I have done it…how many HOURS wasted. Wasted becasue I didnt follow through. I need follow through…
I think I am finished with this if anyone needs it. I hope to not ask for it back. For anyone still reading this ramble…so sorry 
I need to record where I am and get it out from bouncing around in my brain.
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i am so with you right now. i’m here, but not totally. lol- breakfast was chocolate covered pocky and dinner was tortilla chips… will i never learn? i know you can do this- i know you can lose the weight you want… keeping at it really is so important but damn, it’s so frusterating when we keep slipping up so much! i’ll give both of us a challenge- one day ONE day, dec 21, with no food screw ups and getting in some form of exercise. (hugs) you can do this!
I know it is SOOOO hard right now. We really are torn. We want to “enjoy” the holidays but we need to stick to our goals. We are motivated one minutes then fall down the next. I want you to know we are ALL there with you, trying to make sense of it. I actually started to break my day into parts now. First I have to get through the morning, then until 3pm, then until 7pm, then until bed. It is the only way I have been able to survive these past few days.
first off, no apologies needed! you are right where you need to be at this moment. i love that you are writing so often now. you are a good writer to boot!yes, that persistence thing is the key - i remember learning that earlier in the year and now i have to both relearn it and re-live it. that is how success happens - keep doing it, keep trying, keep on. that bit about perfectionism and doing the “right” thing, too, can really stall you. i am attempting to just do and not worry about being so right - for the last two days that has been hugely rewarding because the doing is even better than the getting it right! okay, debbie, you hang in there and tell those hunters that this vegetarian is coming after them
First off I love the pictures!!! they are just adorable
Second, I’ve watched you on your journey Debbie. The ups the downs, and the in betweens. I can feel your frustration, as I go through the same exact thing.
I haven’t read Michael’s blog, but I certainly will go look it up.
I feel with the determination you have, you WILL get through this tough stage. You are not a quiter, but you are a WINNER!!!
Hugs
Jane
First off I love the pictures!!! they are just adorable
Second, I’ve watched you on your journey Debbie. The ups the downs, and the in betweens. I can feel your frustration, as I go through the same exact thing.
I haven’t read Michael’s blog, but I certainly will go look it up.
I feel with the determination you have, you WILL get through this tough stage. You are not a quiter, but you are a WINNER!!!
Hugs
Jane
hang in there, Debbi… I’ve been noticing your “downs” getting shorter and shorter… that’s a good pattern. Yeah, I’m sure the perfectionist in you wants there to be the perfection of NO downs… but the persister (or perstistancist
) in you is working with reality… that it takes time to change, and the little changes are happening, maybe it’s just hard from your vantage point to see the forest through the trees, ya know? You’re doing great, just keep heading in the right direction… you know how paths start out wide, then as you travel them, they get smaller and smaller… it’s kinda like that. At first you travel further and further to the left and right, but as you go forward, you stray less and less from the path and it narrows and deepens, which keeps you on the path better too.
Reaches a hand out…come on girl..climb up here with me-back on this old wagon. I can understand your frustrations because I do stuff like that too…then the guilt, frustrations and all that come piling on. We are not perfect girl..we are humans and we make mistakes. Hugs..good news is that the time in between these bouts…shoot it used to trigger a month long pig out or a week…now time is getting shorter and shorter…while its still hard…at least you are trying and your getting there girl. Dont be so hard on yourself..
Now, with all that said….you reach for more goodies…you just picture me with my hands on my hips…and making that…No, No motion with my fingers…and then pointing out the door…for you to go take a walk..or even a jog or run..whatever…just go stand outside and look at the sun or at the stars…anything that will help.
Love ya girl, Debbie
Girl check that folder that just loves to steal comments…love ya, Debbie