readytoemerge

I did it! C25K…1st week…1st day. I thought I was going to DIE! Everytime the music cued to start jogging I thought I would collapse. Haha! The drama in my own little world I tell ya…it amuses even me sometimes. Had to keep telling myself to quit being a baby and COWGIRL UP! My calves hurt the worst and at the very end my left knee started to feel uncomfortable…so we will see. Next time is Tuesday.

While I was jogging I was thinking how nice it would be if all that fat that jiggled with each step would just fall to the ground…never to be seen again. Nice fairy tale huh?

I also kept thinking about the Biggest Loser and how I would never be able to cut it. I wouldnt be evil like Vicky but people would hate me for being the cry baby…WAAHHHH!

Well, its done. I even continued walking after to get in the 2 miles I promised a new buddy! The day was not a total success because the Pumpkin pie took me hostage briefly…my bad! Hope to start the day on a better foot tomorrow and stay on it.

Have a great night buddies!

Has been hanging in my closet for 2 years now, taunting me. I was close to wearing it then, but my life dumped upside down on me and the weight I regained made it impossible.

I tried it on last night and it’s snug, but I got it on. It is a more fitted blouse, which I am uncomfortable with. I dont like clothing hugging my body to show off my fat. But it wasn’t bad…not great…but not bad. It still is too snug across my tummy. Im begining to wonder if that area will ever go away, after 4 c-sections…I just dont know. “That area” is preventing me from going into the next lower size of jeans.

Well, I am hanging that red blouse on my closet door and it is my goal to wear it Christmas Day. Not just to wear it but feel comfortable in it and wear it with a big smile (and pants of course)

Today I start C25K. Im nervous because I want to be able to do this and not have my knees work against me. I ‘ll fill you in afterwards and tell you how it went.

Oh, one other thing…Pumpkin pie…Im working up the courage to throw it away. I have picked at it for 2 days now and I dont want to make it 3. I know I could very easily eat it all. I have such guilt about throwing it away….ahhhhh! I know it would be better than to fill my body with it, RIGHT!

Wish me luck

Goooooooooood Morning!

Ok, Im really not that upbeat but Im trying. It IS a brand new day and I am ready to refocus on my goals. On Thanksgiving, I found out there will be a family gathering on the 27th next month. This is the extended family. We used to get together a couple times a year, usually 4th of July and Christmas. Its been a couple since Ive gone to one. When J left, it was just too hard to see everyone. Im still not sure I can do it without the tears. ANYWAY, I want to look the best I can and I need to look deep in myself and pull out all I can to accomplish this.

My goals are to stay on plan food-wise & kick up the exercise portion a bit. A while back I tried the Couch to 5K and didn’t get very far. My fat little knees couldn’t take it. I am going to start that up again tomorrow. Also got one of those big balls and I tried the exercises with  them…definatly felt it. So Im going to focus on getting that in and also continue with the Wii Fit.

In addition to the physical, Im really needing to try and get some of the emotional dealt with, not just stuffed further down every time the hurt gets overwhelming. Just have not been sure how to do it. I cant tell you how many times I have sat down to try and write out my feelings of hurt or anger and couldnt do it. I loops through my mind over and over and interupts my sleep at night, yet to sit down and put ink to paper…to write out how angry I am with J and how deeply he has hurt me…I still hate talking bad about him, even if he earned it. I just know I need to deal with this because it is wearing me down. The addition of the Holidays and my fractured family just makes it so damn hard.

I am determined though…God is my strength and I will come through this because of Him. If this misery can be used for Him in anyway, and I pray He will use it, I will then feel like it wasnt all for nothing.

I will be looking at other areas, like the house and business issues to get organized as well. Time to get a plan back in action. Little less talk… and a lot more ACTION! Here I go!!

My Satellite connection back! Still flakes on me a bit but not like it was and its faster than the dial-up. YIPEE!!

Had an awesome day yesterday. All but my youngest was with me and I enjoyed every minute. The boys went with J this afternoon and I am honestly feeling very BLUE. But…

Now Im going to catch up on my BS family. Cant wait to read blogs and get up to date on the forum, so here I go!!!!!!!!

Im back, Im back, oh yea, Im back Heehee…yep, Im still a GOOBER

(I am still struggling with computer connection issues. My brother was here working on it about 6 hours yesterday. We got a satellite connection but it only lasts about 5 - 10 minutes and cuts out. So, I am back on my kids school work computer again with the dial up. It has taken about 15 minutes just to log in and get to my blog. BUT…)

I wanted to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving Day! You all mean so very much to me; From the people I have gotten to know to you who are still unfamiliar. You are all my family here and I appreciate your support and encouragement. I truely miss being able to read and comment on your blogs to show you my support. So this is my booster to each of you since I cant send them out individually at this time.

Wishing you warm food, warm hugs and warm friendships and a day filled with love and laughter. Have a wonderful day, however it’s spent. I love you bunches! Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi! Howdy! I miss being here :(  I felt like I was going nuts, especially over the weekend. Not a child around for most of it and I couldnt even get on here guilt free…it Sucked! At the moment I hooked up the dial up to a computer from my Aunt that was for the kids schoold work. Dont know why, but it is even slowing than the laptop I was having problems with and the desk its sitting on is not user friendly. The keyboard is directly in front on the screen, which my eyeballs are about a foot from. The chair has no back, so trying to lean away from the computer can be dangerous when you forget this little detail Therefore, I cant be on here long at all and the slowness factor makes it completly unbearable. I just had to get on here and let you guys know I MISS YOU!!!!

Weighed in on Sunday and got my GREEN STAR!!! I did REALLY well with my eating allllllll weekend and even took a day off exercise, trying to keep my body guessing. And do you know how it rewarded me????? No…guess again…keep guessing…ok, I know your busy…I GAINED 2 pounds so the scale said on Monday morning…1 day later…I behaved like never before. I didnt celebrate my loss with a food fest like I love to do. The only thing I didnt do was eat 4 points on Sunday…didnt want em…even got in EXTRA veggies!

So, please tell me (pardon the drama here) AM I DESTINED TO STAY IN THE 220’s??????? I HAVE BEEN EVER SO PATIENT…WHY WHY WHY!!!

Ok, finished…kinda I really wanted to be in the 210’s…even re-did my original goal and made it doable @ 218 for turkey day…or so I thought.  Tom Turkey is on his way and he is bringing his buddy TOM. I am a wee bit cranky since yesterday, ok a LOT bit. Even had a boo hoo fest in front of J yesterday morning. He can gain and drop 8 pounds in a day, I kid you not.

Well my BS family, I am so sad to not be able to read the blogs, I feel Ive missed so much. Im going to try to see about reading a few later.

Debbie, If you read this, Happy Birthday Girl!!!! Im sorry I missed telling you on your day. Hope you had an awesome time!

Buddies, I’ll wish an early HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!  Hope to be on more asap. Love Ya!

Accountability: Day 6

My days normally start off without much temptation. As I have said before, I am not a “morning” person. I’m groggy and grumpy and do best when I can wake on my own terms. I don’t need a big breakfast everyday and am content with cereal. I drink LOTS of hot tea…love it.

Lunch time went ok…but soon after, it hit! I wanted FOOOOOOOOOOOD! Lots of bad stuff. I wanted comfort. I realized I was feeling antsy, angry & hurt, to mention a few. Those emotions combined with the time of day did not mix well. I had a granola bar (counted the points), then had an apple with a little peanut butter…hey, at least I got a fruit in with that one Still the pull to PIG OUT was overwhelming. So, I came on here until dinner and then after dinner and long boring story short, I did not binge! I absolutly could have made better food picks, but again I stayed under my points by 2.5 for the day. If I would have eaten more after dinner I feel like i would have lost control, so I just stopped there.

I don’t know about any of you guys, but there are times I could go without eating, EASIER than eating and stopping. I can also eat less food easier than eating the amount I need to. When I eat less, I dont lose. Go figure!

I did get my walking in last night and pushed a little too hard. I woke this morning with a sore ankle/foot. I think today I will stick to some floor scrubbing and try some reverse crunches.

My official weigh in is tomorrow, altho I weigh in for my team today. Its down, not quite where I wanted. Recovered what came back last week. Hoping for a little better in the morning.

Have a great Saturday…enjoy it whether it involves relaxing or fun activity

Accountability: Day 5

So yesterday morning started out ok. Ate right and got part of my exercise in. Then came the call…Did I want to ride with J to go to Tractor Supply and get lunch while we were out? All strength over him and food went flying out the window. I cant resist him…still.

So about an hour later he picked me up. I was already hitting on hunger pretty good by then. We got about 10 minutes down the road and my daughter calls…she locked herself and the dogs out of the house. So turn back around, let her in and head back out again. We had about a 40 minute drive to where we were heading and my stomach just got angry. We ended up at Five Guys (Burgers & Fries). Resist I did not! I looooooove the burgers and the fries are amazing. I got the Little burger (which is a “normal” size) and we split a small fry. They are good for dumping pretty much a whole nother order in the bag. Yikes! I feel guilt but MAN it was good.

Then we went on to Tractor Supply. Dont ask me why…but I love that store. Then on to one of my most favorite stores…Home Depot! (or Lowes). I could spend hours in there, just wandering around, happy and content. Walking thru the doors it smelled like fresh cut lumber and Christmas spice scents. I know, your thinking, Yep, she IS a nut job! The smell of wood takes me to a much happier time…childhood. My Dad did/does a lot of woodworking. When he would be cutting wood for a project it just smelled yummy!

So I did not have the day I planned, and I could have made better choices with lunch and additional exercise, but I could have been MUCH worse. Just hope I wont have to pay a horrible price with the scale for it. If so, I did it to myself.

So today began with a dusting of snow…a little more on the mountains. Got in my bran flakes (I know…boring) and getting myself geared for exercise in a few. I WILL do better today. I WILL see better results on that scale!

Have a great weekend all!

Accountability: Day 4 

Me and my Plaaaaa-teau…Strolling through the barren field…Me and my plaaaaateau on my mind at EVERY meal!

If this weight doesn’t drop down soon, Im going to lose my ever-lovin’ mind. Some of the delay was due to my choices, but over all I have been doing what Im “supposed” to. Saturday is my Rockstar weigh-in, but Sunday is my official weigh day. So 3 more days to sweet talk this old body and that freakin’ scale into cooperating with my efforts. This time I have really been trying to focus on smaller chunks of weight loss at a time. But the longer I stay where I am, the more I start peering ahead, down the LONG road in front of me. I dont want to do that! It seems much more possible when I look at the next 5-10 pounds.

I did well again yesterday. Got 2 miles on the treadmill in the AM and even jogged just a little a couple times. Did 30 minutes on the Wii last night. And, I kept my food in check, had 1 point left over. I did get a little more in on the fruit/veggie side. Yay me Also got in my 112 ounces of water.

So today’s goals: Focus on more fruits/veggies and continuing to eat well. Get in step aerobics and boxing on Wii and another s miles on the treddie! Keep my chins up and accomplish more on legal issues.

Have a great day and GET UP and GET MOVING

Accountability: Day 3

Yesterday went well food wise. I ate all my daily points, no more, no less. I did make better choices over all but still need to get in more fruits and veggies. So that is my goal today.

So this morning I will walk on the treadmill. To cold outside this morning, 23 degrees…no way. I will also do the Wii later. My daughter is sick and resting in the livingroom, so cant do it now.

Food in my future will be a LOT of chicken as they had it on sale. I’ll just need to get creative with how I fix it. Last night was boiled chicken breast with leftover for my lunch today. I will get in a salad and fruit for sure. And of course my water. Thats the plan, I’ll see how the day plays out.

Emotionally…things are difficult. I have to spend most days with J working on the paperwork to file bankruptcy. It’s hard to have to be with him all the time when things are what they are between us. Id do better to never see him again, than to see him all the time. Not to mention the sadness of bankruptcy…I am not ok with it…I want to be able to pay my debts…it weighs on my heavily…I have no choice. The business debt is massive…

OK…Chin up little Nipper! Must face it and this day and I MUST be true to myself and my health. So, Im off…

Have a SUPER DUPER FABULOUS FANTASTICLY WONDEFUL DAY