Baked Beans – (Don’t read this if you’ve laughed enough already today!)
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love.
When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice
and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from
work. Since I lived in the countryside, I called my husband and told him
that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a
small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With
miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I
reached home. So I stopped at the diner and before I knew it,
I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed
delightedly, ‘Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.’ He then
blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat
and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.
He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to
answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was
becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room, I seized
the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not
only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in
front of a pulp wood mill. I took my napkin from
my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more.
The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to
the conversation in the other room, I went on
like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I
quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap
and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with
myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned,
apologizing for taking so long. He asked me
if I had peeked through the blindfold and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold and twelve dinner guests seated
around the table chorused: ‘Happy Birthday!’
I fainted!!!
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LAUGHING MY ASS OFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!! Funny shit here. OH my Gosh, I have tears in my eyes, as I’m sure some of your guests did too that night.
Hehehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for the laugh Deb! What did you do after the blindfolds came off?
Good to see you in a better mood today!
OH, you need to read my blog then - I eat enough eggs to do the same thing you do everyday. Poor Rodney. Like last night I tried to hide it and pretend I was innocent when he came back in the bedroom after I let out a few.
UH OH! I’d better clarify. This was an email I got. I don’t know that I would have been brave enough to share it if this were me…LOL!!!
That’s great! Thanks for the laugh!
Whew, gotcha Deb. For a moment there I thought poor hubby and the guests.
Have a great day and yes, I’m clucking along.
Funny blog! LAMO as well. Thank you for sharing.
LOLOL that is tooo funny! I had to read it out loud to my 12 year old son and he is laughing hysterically…LOL
Good one! Thanks for the laugh first thing in the morning!!
lol
how funny.thanks for the laugh
I love the days when someone posts a good joke!
All that extra abdominal exercise from belly-laughing!
Oh, my gosh………so funny. I sent it to a friend.
yarrow
Since we always sleep with two dogs and a cat, there is always someone else to blame. (I suspect hubby of doing the same. lol)
Ohhh that was soo funny!!! Thanks for sharing it!
I had read this before but it never fails to make me smile and yes, LMAO too!! I hear laughter is the best medicine–thanks for sharing!
Hahahaha that is hilarious!!!!! Thanks for making me laugh! Im sending it to some of my friends!!!
I love this one! Thanks for the laugh!
Debbi…you and your blogs are too funny! I’ve seen this a long time ago in an email. Always good to re-read something like this, just cracks me up.