My Stomach Is In Knots
I’ve got a couple problems…one I guess I just need to get out and the other I need help on.These last several weeks have been difficult for me. My husband and I have been separated for two years now…two years. It seems to come to a possible solution, and then it goes to it’s over. I can’t seem to let go of him…to let go of the marriage. And he hasn’t been able to end it completely either. We are very confused people…very hurt people. He finally fessed up that although he loves me, he fell in love with someone else…ouch! I know a lot of people would have walked away from this by now. As a Christian, I know that what he has done releases me from my vows. I know I have every right to be finished with this marriage. But to me it is worth saving. He lost hope, mine was buried but not gone. We have come so far in our discussions. We have had some counseling together and apart, but it never came to an end. Just an open, oozing wound. Tonight, we are giving a last ditch effort (again). We are meeting with the Pastor of a local church…seeking direction. I am so scared…so sick to my stomach. Either way it goes scares me…to be with him…to be without him. To top it off, our 24th Anniversary is Monday. This time of year is my favorite, but it is also connected to so much emotionally. I have really been fighting to keep my head up when I really want to pull the covers over my head and feel nothing. The hurt is so intense.The continued devastation has caused me problems with my eating. Most emotions give me a great desire to EAT. Not this tho…this kind of hurt makes it hard to swallow food. I make myself eat and I am still struggling to get in enough calories every day. I have even gone to McDonalds, got a Big Mac, fries and a hot fudge sundae…just to get calories in…I didn’t want it, and it tasted so gross. I know this isn’t good for me, eating bad, high calorie food to get something in. Its going against what I’m working to change…exactly what got me here. I need suggestions on better food choices. I know at some point my appetite will return and I will be in big trouble. I also know not eating enough is holding my weight loss back. I have dieted far too long and my body is completely on to me. It’s going to hold this weight on if it thinks I’m holding back on the food. Any support or food suggestions would be appreciated. I’m so sad and need to feel loved. Sorry for the down blog. Can’t get past it today…
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You are definitely loved
Sorry you’re having such a difficult time right now. I’ll be praying for you that things go well tonight. I can’t even imagine how hard this must be for you.
I don’t have any great suggestions for you in the food department. Nothing other than the canned “Eat healthy food and exercise”.
I’m so sorry to hear about your pain.
I definately don’t recommend McDonalds! Yuck! I can only recommend higher-calorie better-for-you foods, if you must. Examples include natural nut butters, avacados, extra virgin olive oil, cheeses, whole grains and so on. That way it’s healthier, but can help you reach your daily calorie needs.
I understand your reservations to let go of your marriage, 24 years! And most of all, I’m sure you are scared to feel like you’d be starting all over, alone. The truth is, he has already checked out, so why not you, too? Of course things will be hard and uncomfortable, but you will survive, your life will go on. Is it going to go on with or without you in it?
Give yourself permission to love YOURSELF and know when the situation is toxic. I think you already know what you need to do. Find friends and loved ones to support and comfort you and know that everything will be alright. You will be happy again.
Wow- so sorry to hear you are down. I can understand why. I hope you and your husband will be able to reconcile- but if not be at peace and try to find someone you can take counsel with to help you heal the hurt. Blessings to you.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I hope you can work things out in the way that is best for you. I do agree with wxgirl on the foods you should eat. The ones she listed would definitely be better choices than McDonalds, and would probably sit a little better in your stomach. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.
Oh sweetie — i am so sorry!
You KNOW Who loves you!! You KNOW who takes care of you every second of every day, He never sleeps, He is working in your behalf!
You know you are loved more than life, b/c you know He gave even His life for you!
You are also loved at this site too.
don’t worry about food, pray a lot. Only He can heal your hurt and your marriage —
we are here for you!! love you!!
((hugs)) We love you Debbbi and hope you get through this
((more hugs))
Debbi…
this is a great step. Having someone that is called to serve God’s people there with the 2 of you is going to be a blessing. This is a good thing…
it is a stablizing thing. A blessing.
Praying for you…that you rest in the midst of the storms. That you let the Lord hold you and comfort you. Praying for His wisdom to surround you and speak through the pastor!
Love you…and…want you to know I am praying!
My heart goes out to you Debbie. Now, you know I went through some bullshit with my ex-husband, so I do know what that knot feels like, the hurt, the pain you wrote of.
You two have so much history together. There is a reason why the both of you won’t let go. Do take that time, get counseling like you are now and perhaps save your marriage.
I’ll certainly pray for you my dear friend.
HUGGGGGGGGG and tears for you!
i wish i could give you a hug! i don’t know exactly what you are going through, but i think i can imagine. i’m so sorry you are having to go through this. but- things will work out one way or the other and you happy again, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you will be happy again. at least, that’s what i told myself when i was going through a really hard time.
as for the food- an easy way to get calories that is a bit healthier, i think, is to make a smoothie out of about 2T peanut butter, maybe a cup of milk and 1 frozen banana. if you like peanut butter its not bad and i found drinking liquids was easier when i felt totally crappy.
There is nothing I can say to ease your pain and heartache…just want you to know…that we are praying for you and that I wish you the very best. My heart aches for you & I wished I could make everything better. We are here for you. Love Debbie
Sorry to hear your haveing a hard time with this, I hope the meeting help bring some resolve to you issues and you start feeling better, I went through a divorce about 4 years ago, it is not easy, very hard to cope with but just hang in there and things will work out for you and hopefully you will begin feeling better.
Thanks for the love buddies! Now what do I do about getting in enough calories so my stubborn body will let go of some poundage??
I’m sorry to know that you’re going through so much pain and uncertainty…sounds like the two of you still love and care for eachother deeply. I must confess that when I first started reading your blog, I thought that perhaps you were a young newlywed 20-something until I read that your 24th Anniversary is coming up and I thought—OMG!! I hope that you and your spouse make the right decisions….I read somewhere that some people define strength as the ability to HOLD ON inspite of adversity….when truly STRENGTH comes from simply letting go! May God light the rightful path!
I hope that knowing so many people are thinking about you and pulling for you will help a little.I know it must be hard, but try to remember that you deserve to be happy and healthy and take time out for yourself. My advice is don’t force the food, you’ll eat when your body and mind let you know you need to. Lean on your friends and your buddies here. Keep your chin up. I truly believe that things happen because they were meant to be. Sometimes I have a hard time understanding the why of that.mostly I guess because sometimes it’s not what I want. Sending a BIG Hug all the way from Oklahoma.
I am writing this after you have had your meeting (Friday morning UK time) and while I can’t send you conventional prayers (I’m a humanist) I send you strength.
Strength to accept and embrace change and move forward unencumbered by doubt, despair or regret.
Strength to accept those things that can’t be changed.
Strength to go forward in life with a clear focus, whatever the outcome of the meeting.
It is incredibly difficult to both accept marriage is over, or to re-invigorate a troubled marriage. You will probably always love each other, but love can take many guises.
You a worthy, important person in your own right. From personal experience, I can tell you that learning to let go is the beginning of a better life, with or without your husband.
My thought are with you, and you have my very best wishes for a happier you.
Awww… I KNOW someone who loves you, Debbi!!!!
For the calories… how about tv dinners if ya don’t feel like cooking… or whole wheat pasta, only takes 15 min to boil the water and cook it… olive oil and garlic… yum and simple…
idk, message me if u want more ideas… you know my head is full (of what, I’ll leave off the public space
)