readytoemerge

…Was not enough to keep me warm this morning! Brrrrr! I FROSTED my buns off…no sweating this time. 30* here as I began my walk this morning. I honestly went out thinking; I’ll just do a couple of my “loops” and have to head in for the treadmill. But I got in 8 “loops” which is about 2.5 miles. It truly has been a blessing to not be bright-eyed and perky as I head out. I would have been right back in the door if that were so. I would have realized how crazy I was.

The weekend was good. I got to take my hike on Saturday morning. It was about 43 degrees when we started. My two youngest sons, my daughter and husband ended up going. I made oatmeal and blueberry muffins Friday night so we could have our breakfast once we got to the top. We walked Chimney Rock Trail which is 1.1 miles up. It levels off quite a bit at the top and there is a large area of rock, most of them flat enough to sit on. But you do have to work to get there. The bulk of the walk is inclined from mild to “oh my gosh”. And the saving grace of some areas in between which level out briefly. The most intense is a VERY rocky, steep portion, just before you reach the top. I call it BUTT BUILDER SLOPE. Can you say, “It Burns!”??  We got up in about 45 minutes…I stopped a few times to snap some pics. We made our way over to a nice picnic rock and broke out the muffins and water bottles. About 10 minutes into it we heard a load, somewhat distant roar/growl/angry sound. I freaked…everyone else tried to say it was not what I thought…A BEAR! Did I mention we saw deer bones, picked clean, on the way up?? So I ate, looking around me constantly…listening…jumpy. Another 10 minutes passed and a much closer growl/gruff sound. That was it! I got put the muffins in the backpack, took my keys out of it, in order to throw it for the bear if necessary. And we began our quick stepping decent. It’s hard to go down hill quickly with wobbly ankles, loose rock, and steep slope, but we did. I was looking around me more than where I was stepping, so I am thankful I didn’t do a face-plant in that process. We had a white-tail run across our path…but that was it. No sight of a bear or wild creature…thank goodness! We made it safely down, without having to sacrifice the muffins for the sake of our flesh…haha! I was upset tho that I didn’t get pics at the top. I guess I will have to do it again…maybe I’ll take cleats and a side of lamb to be safe.

Hope you guys enjoyed your weekend!

That is the perfect temperature for a crisp, Fall morning walk. Of course it helps that I’m slow to wake up. That way I am already out and walking before my mind has a chance to plot against me, telling me I’m too tired and cold. See, there are positive traits to being a morning grump after all.

This week has been rough, but I am trying hard to find the positive each day. Even if it’s only that I walked, or ate right, or drank my water like a camel.  I am thankful for the gorgeous weather, the beautiful views around me and a roof over my head.

I am looking forward to a hike up a local trail tomorrow. Planning on getting some better pictures of the leaves changing. I was supposed to take my 3 boys, but my oldest got hurt last night. He is okay, thank God. He fell out of a tree and is pretty banged up on his arm, ribs and leg. Thought his leg may have been broken. He went to the ER and had x-rays. Thankfully its not.

I hope you all are finding joy in some area of your lives…no matter how small at the moment.

Have a GREAT weekend Buddies!!

I have spent the majority of my life, waiting. Waiting for someone, waiting for the right time, waiting for better days, waiting on my husband. not moving, just waiting…WAITING!

I saw Fireproof yesterday…went with my husband (from who I am separated for 2 years). The movie was Wonderful. I don’t know that it will bring us together because of where he is…so distant. But there were things that called out to me from the movie. In particular a song. It was a song called While I’m Waiting by John Waller.

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 It moved me…deeply. On many levels. I have sat quietly far too long…waiting…stuck…not moving any direction. I cant keep waiting without moving forward…no matter how sad, no matter how lonely, no matter how afraid, no matter how many strangers I may cry in front of…I have to stop waiting and start moving. Start getting out there…start LIVING the life God gave me…good and bad, happy and sad…LIVING IT!

It is time. Now…has anyone seen my big girl panties? I seem to have misplaced them

Hi everyone,

Our neighbor has a puppy he’s giving away (FREE). It’s a Dachshund, it’s house broken, and it’s great with kids.

He’s giving it away because his wife says the dog ’stares’ at her when she is undressing, and that gives her the heebie jeebies. I think she is just weird!

If you’re interested, or know someone who is, let me know. Here’s a picture of the dog (see below). 

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Thanks!  :)

Im a Weight Watcher Girl…I don’t know why I stray…I get bored I guess or something else looks like it might work better. I’ve been just tracking my calories on Calorie King, which I love, but it gives me too many calories I believe. Aside from that, I have been only eating between 540 and 1200 calories/day. That is due to high emotional stress. I need to make changes. My loss for this week is .8/pound. I have had very little and when I do eat, it is very much because I know I need to. Even tho I know not eating enough causes my body to go into lockdown mode to keep any poundage from escaping, I still was hoping I would get to benefit from not stuffing my face…no such luck.

Today, I sit with my WW books and old journals and weight loss booklet. Today, I start…not just looking up point values, but actually tracking my points again. I will still use Calorie King to enter my foods for reference. Back to my tried and true friend…back to my roots and a part of me that will always be there. I cant not look at something and wonder, HOW MANY POINTS IS THAT? So it begins…again.

This week will be difficult in many ways. Tomorrow is my 24th Anniversary…no celebration planned…no reconcilliation in sight…just lots of memories. Also, things that have been in limbo financially are starting to stir again…not so good things. I’ve got a long ugly road ahead, but Im not giving up.

So here goes…Something Old (WW)…Something New (Fresh week)…Something Borrowed (This laptop)…Something Blue (Me)…

It seems more and more that when I post a comment on someones blog, it sits for a minute like its sending it and then it doesnt show up. I am assuming they are being sent to the moderator for that persons blog but not sure. Dont know if I should keep commenting till it shows up. I dont know if it’s my computer or because my dial up is slow…

Anyone else noticing this? I want to support my buddies and this is so frustrating. Its hard sometimes to say the things that you said on the first time. It doesnt come back the same. Anyway, just wondering if its just me???

Hope you all have a WONDERFUL weekend!!!

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love.
When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice
and gave up beans.

I fainted!!!

We met with the Pastor last night. My prayer was that God would give him the words that we needed to hear…that He would speak through the Pastor and that we would have open hearts, minds and ears to hear. That part of it was as I had hoped. We were left with being told to go see Fireproof and call him to let him know if we want to continue with his counsel, or let this go. It was a difficult night. Some not so great conversation between J and I prior to the meeting and after…well we should have just keep quiet and let the words marinate. The night did not end on the greatest note. Regardless to the outcome, I am thankful to have had that meeting.

I want to thank you all for your love and support. I know this is a weight loss sight…but we also know how much our lives affect those issues. Thank you for allowing me a place to vent.

I took my morning walk outside. Got in 2.5 miles, maybe more. My pedometer is off, shorting me. It is absolutely beautiful here. The weather has been fantastic. It has warmed back up the last couple days as it does almost every year this time. The birds were singing…does anybody else notice the way the birds sing differently in the Fall vs. the Summer? Maybe it’s me. Anyway, I start walking after getting my boys on the bus. The sun hasn’t quite begun rising when I start. It is just awesome to walk and watch that sun come up. There has been fog laying on the fields and it looks just beautiful to look out on the hay bales, big and round, scattered across the fields. The birds begin getting louder and soon after that sun starts rising the tractor across the road usually starts moving. LOVE the sound of an old tractor. My dogs pace back and forth as I walk my loops. We have an underground fence so they can only go so far. They watch over me. There was an angry cow going this morning…maybe she was fussing at a farmers cold hands, hehe. I didn’t sleep well and honestly did not want to walk; I was working on my list of excuses. But I went and was rewarded.

This turned out to be not such a nutshell…oh well. Thanks again for the support Buddies.

I’ve got a couple problems…one I guess I just need to get out and the other I need help on.These last several weeks have been difficult for me. My husband and I have been separated for two years now…two years. It seems to come to a possible solution, and then it goes to it’s over. I can’t seem to let go of him…to let go of the marriage. And he hasn’t been able to end it completely either. We are very confused people…very hurt people. He finally fessed up that although he loves me, he fell in love with someone else…ouch! I know a lot of people would have walked away from this by now. As a Christian, I know that what he has done releases me from my vows. I know I have every right to be finished with this marriage. But to me it is worth saving. He lost hope, mine was buried but not gone. We have come so far in our discussions. We have had some counseling together and apart, but it never came to an end. Just an open, oozing wound. Tonight, we are giving a last ditch effort (again). We are meeting with the Pastor of a local church…seeking direction. I am so scared…so sick to my stomach. Either way it goes scares me…to be with him…to be without him. To top it off, our 24^th Anniversary is Monday. This time of year is my favorite, but it is also connected to so much emotionally. I have really been fighting to keep my head up when I really want to pull the covers over my head and feel nothing. The hurt is so intense.The continued devastation has caused me problems with my eating. Most emotions give me a great desire to EAT. Not this tho…this kind of hurt makes it hard to swallow food. I make myself eat and I am still struggling to get in enough calories every day. I have even gone to McDonalds, got a Big Mac, fries and a hot fudge sundae…just to get calories in…I didn’t want it, and it tasted so gross. I know this isn’t good for me, eating bad, high calorie food to get something in. Its going against what I’m working to change…exactly what got me here. I need suggestions on better food choices. I know at some point my appetite will return and I will be in big trouble. I also know not eating enough is holding my weight loss back. I have dieted far too long and my body is completely on to me. It’s going to hold this weight on if it thinks I’m holding back on the food. Any support or food suggestions would be appreciated. I’m so sad and need to feel loved. Sorry for the down blog. Can’t get past it today…

Mind games are messing with my peaceful morning walks.

I have been taking full advantage of the beautiful Fall weather these last couple weeks. I’ve been taking my walks outside each morning. I found it is easier on my feet and shins than when I walk the treadmill. Plus I get to enjoy the views, the cool air and the sounds of nature. Mostly calm and quiet…until my brain wakes up. I am not a “morning person” in the sense that it takes me a bit to wake up and be half social. As much as I admire those perky little people that wake up smiling and leap from the bed filled with excitement…that aint me.

Anyway, I find that once my brain does begin to engage, the mind games with myself begin. I’ll plan on walking a certain amount and then argue with myself the whole time about sticking to it. Good cop/Bad cop with myself…how pathetic. The good side usually wins out, at least lately, but it is such a challenge to have a fight with me…Im STUBBORN.

Believe I’ve mentioned that little problem before. 

Despite heavy breathing, I am fully capable of doing even more distance. I guess this is part of the process…learning how to let the positive side win out and not fall defeated to the whiner in me (Its no use, Im too fat, Im too tired, I cant do it, wah wah wah).  Im slowly getting OVER myself and I will be the winner…hopefuly while I’m still young enough to enjoy it