readytoemerge

I traded a comfort food for a comfort friend. Yesterday I met an old friend for lunch. We’ve been friends since we were born…literally…born 9 days apart, our families were friends prior. They moved to Kentucky for a bit when we were young and then moved back to Maryland. We went through middle and high school together. We went through a lot together at one time. After graduating, life has a way of moving people on there own ways, family, career, kids. Anyway, we reconnect every so often. She happened to be working this week right here in my town and so we met up. We had not connected for about 3 or more years so we had a lot to catch up on. I am still an emotional goo ball with an appetite that is not the best. I ordered only an appetizer and iced tea (unsweetened the way I like it). Ok, so the appetizer I choose wasn’t the best, potato skins w/ cheese and bacon, no sour cream. But, I only ate less than half of the serving. I didn’t feel the need to numb myself with the whole plate. I took in the conversation, listening to her life and sharing my catastrophe. It was nice…COMFORTING. I have to admit that my initial reaction when she called was to run and hide. Sometimes that is easier than opening up and exposing your raw, ugly wounds. So, I hope that I can hold this to the front of my memory, to not forget how good it felt to experience comfort from a friend. And the scale was down a bit this morning so it must have worked. Just wanted to share. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

That’s what I need to do.

I tend to withdraw when I’m struggling or hurting. Then I begin to feel lonely, which leads to the desire to be comforted. A blankie and a thumb in the mouth no longer work. But FOOD in the mouth does…at least temporarily. Ok and maybe a fuzzy blankie doesn’t hurt.

I need to learn to reach out more. I’ve been on my butt more than my feet lately, but I’m going to continue to stand back up with Gods grace, stretch out my arms like a baby toddling to its parent, seeking Him and seeking friends for comfort. I won’t be perfect, I will fall, but I will keep trying and keep reaching. And I hope to someday soon, be strong enough to be a comforting place for another struggling toddler who is reaching out.

The love from true friends fills my heart much fuller and much longer than a piece of cake can fill my stomach. And that love is calorie free…even better!

Lord, help me to reach out to You and the friendship of those around me for the comfort I crave, and not the food.

It’s been a while…and there are reasons. I’ve had an unbearable number of things going on in my life. I’ve tried to write many times and just couldn’t do it. There are things I want to say and I will try not to expand deeply on some of it.

• In regard to this site…I really don’t want to start a debate or trigger a blog for someone to play victim again, but there are a few things I need to say. I backed out of here about a month ago due to someone judging me (wrongly at that) not only openly on a blog but sending personal messages. This site was giving me much needed support and some wonderful friendships, but the actions of one made it unbearable to be here. If this site REQUIRES me to respond to someone’s blog so I don’t hurt their feelings than this isn’t the place for me. Not everyone “connects” with everyone on here and I shouldn’t be judged because of it.
• In regard to my life…I am losing everything. The business, my job, my home, my car. I don’t know where I will live yet or what I can even afford. I’m still not certain if the marriage will continue, its looking like it won’t. I’m trying to keep my kids in the same area for school and friendships, especially since they had to reestablish four years ago when we moved, but I don’t know that I can. My family may be further split by my husband possibly moving to NC for work and most likely two of my kids would want to go with him. I can’t bear the thought. Emotionally I am a mess. I go from not being able to eat, to eating all the comfort foods. I desire Gods will for my life and I know He will provide even if it may be working at a fast food place and living in a tiny apartment. It’s the unknown that scares me, especially when it comes to my family. My life is nothing like I thought it would be. Never did I think my family would be torn apart the way it has in the last couple years, and when you think it can’t get much worse and you can’t bear one more thing…many more things pour down. I know God will bring me thru this and I pray I will learn all He is trying to teach me but I am scared…terrified, so terribly sad and brokenhearted. I can take losing everything around me, I can, but my family being split makes my legs go out from under me. Please pray for me and for clarity in the decisions I face.

I thank you all for the support and friendships. I hope to be around here for a long time, but if the nonsense continues here on BS, I will be quietly leaving…I don’t have room in my life for the frustration. I will not blog that I’m leaving if it comes to that, so, if anyone would like my personal email to keep in touch in the event the childish games continue, please send me a message.

Thanks for listening and for your prayers.