Time To Put On The Big Girl Panties And DEAL WITH IT!
Excuses + Depression = 10 Pounds…
Last week I was “filled” from the conference. My weight had gone down a bit. I felt briefly refreshed. And then back to reality…I remembered, oh yeah…my life sucks…I want to escape it…tired of dealing with everything…so down in my pit I went…with a box of Munchkins in hand.
Well, little donut holes only last so long…my belly desired more…to squash down the emotions that kept wanting to erupt. So my nose, mouth and tongue agreed to help. My feet and hands joined in. They all plotted and schemed with satan, to rise against me when I was at my lowest…not caring what I put in my body. PMS wanted in on the fun, followed closely by TOM or MF as I sometimes call it (my “friend”J). I ate crap…now I feel like crap.
How does food comfort and yet leave you feeling used and disgusted? Why is this such a hard lesson to learn? I let my emotions wash me out to sea again. I let my excuses give me permission to eat…oh you poor thing you deserve that slice of pizza…PAA-LLEASE! I’m a big girl…I know better. I went into this binge willingly and it cost me. I gained 10 pounds…10 POUNDS in one week!
So what if I’m depressed…so what it bill collectors are hounding me…so what it I sign for a certified letter everyday from someone else coming to take something…so what if I lose my house…I’m losing myself by continuing to eat my life away. I HAVE to be accountable…I have to be in charge of my body. I’m not rich…I can’t afford a personal chef or to go to some spa to let then do it for me. I HAVE TO DO IT! NO EXCUSES… NO MORE! Its time to lose the mind set that I get a cookie just because my life hurts my feelings. Oh well! I need to use common sense…I’ve got to dig it out from the pile of rubble it’s under…but I’m going to find it and use it. I don’t like playing games…the mental, emotional kind. I HATE when someone does it to me and yet here I am …doing it to myself. It’s time to be brutally honest with myself and get real with losing this weight or let go and accept being fat and miserable. I can’t keep playing back and forth to each side. Do I secretly enjoying losing the same weight over and over? Am I fighting between wanting to be out in the world and be noticed and wanting to be invisible and left alone? Why am I soooo complicated? I like simple…easy to understand. I need to cut through all the crap I’ve become and surrounded myself with and find the SIMPLE. I need to stay on guard, watching for the approaching problems and negativity…they are the ones who love to throw those blasted pity parties. The hangovers suck…I feel gross and my head is killing me. I’ve popped more Advil since 3 this morning than I should. I need to remember this side effect from binging on crappy McD at 8pm. This is the result. I was going to say tomorrow I will start…but it is today…today is the day. I will only do more damage by waiting. Its time to bury my eyes in the Bible and let God fill my heart. I will write my motivational list today…I was going to last night but it’s kinda hard when you’re holding a double cheeseburger…duh! Exercise needs to come soon but I need to focus on the other things first. I welcome any suggestions…healthy meal ideas…strategies…
Its time to go and log my weight gain… oh I don’t want to, but in order to be accountable I am. Have a great day…a great week…and please watch you’re step near that pit. I’ll call a cement truck to fill it in.
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Oh Friend, I know , what a struggle. I so remember those days. After I would enjoy my comfort food I would shortly go to bed crying myself to sleep feeling like such a looser. I don’t understand why we go to food for comfort when it only leads us to feeling more depressed and bad. Soooo,it has taken awhile and alot of self disapline but now when I feel stressed or whatever we call it - I go exersize. Start off with A DVD of Leslie Lansone Walk away the pounds. It is so easy it makes you want to keep doing. I will keep you in my prayers…
Hey Girl! Food and material possessions cannot fill the void we feel (I shared my credit debt issues with you guys last week). Only love (all of which comes form the Creator) can fill that void.
You have come to the right place for love. We are here. Keep reaching out to us and to God. You will find your answers.
Tammy
I am sorry to hear you’ve got so much going on, but you’re right - there are no excuses for eating the junk. I still have to lose the link between essay writing and junk food.
“Am I fighting between wanting to be out in the world and be noticed and wanting to be invisible and left alone?”
This is such a powerful question. I know I don’t want to continue to be fat and can see the benefits of being slim & healthy. But its scary walking into the unknown and I think this fear wins out occasionally.
You are in my thoughts and prayers and you will get through this, although it may be a bumpy ride…
It is so hard to give up the comfortable. Change is a big step, but this new life change of being healthy can only have positive rewards. We all fall in that pit sometimes the important thing to remember though is that you realized it and started to climb out. DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP. You are valued as a person….you deserve to be happy. Good luck on your continued weight loss journey. We are here for you. God bless.
Thank you all…your words truly mean so much to me…the support here is the best! Thank you!!
Girl, I have been there. I was the Queen of excuses for why I over ate! Happy times, sad times, any time! I finally figured out I can’t always control what is going on around me and to me, but I can control what I put in my mouth! I do alot of self talk and most of the time I listen. When I don’t listen I don’t beat myself up anymore, I just hop back on track and do the best I can!
You can do it!
Big HUGS!
I think everyone has been there… It is so easy to say “oh I’ll just stay here till I can’t take it no more”… but at least u have the courage to recognize it now, while u r ahead… 10 pounds realy isn’t that bad, dont be so hard on urself, the emotional damage is bad as it is… dieting and healthy eatting will heal ur body, try and ease ur mind… stay focused… Good luck, and God bless u…. Hugs***
Debbi, it sounds like you’re carrying the weight of the world. I think you need to cut yourself some slack and recognize that the goal cannot be to fix every problem every day. Sometimes the best we can do is simply keep any new problems from emerging or keep the ones we have from getting bigger.
In the case of your health, I think you should focus only on not making things worse by binging or eating unhealthily. Focus on just doing what you can as best you can and recognize that sometimes there just isn’t anymore to give.
Hang with it, Debbi. You’ll overcome this.
Debbi…
Hey! No being mean to you ok? so what? that is my response…maybe it is bad advice, but what I am saying is…
Love Debbi!
That is it! She is going through hell right now. Don’t fuss at her. She is doing the best she can. And so what if she eats a Double Cheeseburger…it is ok. God’s grace is sufficient! He can supply all of your needs according to His riches in Glory! He says, seek first the Kingdom of Righteousness…and ALL these things will be added.
I had some major financial stress in my life several years ago, and I ate so much. I would binge all day, all night…self medicating. I knew God, I loved Him…but I had learned from my family, to turn to food when I hurt….I was doing the best I knew. Did it help? well, right or not…it just helped me cope…helped me escape…it was what I knew to do.
One time, after a time of doing something that was really bad…I went to God and said, I am so sorry, I sinned…and He said, “So…I knew you were going to do that. I am not surprised. I made you…I understand. It is ok.” That was it. He wanted me to know He loved me. AND it was ok.
Sometimes we get into a cycle of beating ourselves up…when we are doing the best we can…and that is when we need to learn to love ourselves and say…”It is ok!”
We all make mistakes and we are all entitled and you are wise to stop it now before it has gotten worse. With me, after finding out that my son was under the autism spectrum the self pity and depression went on for much longer than it should have… the worse I felt, the more weight I had gained. Imagine how I am feeling now, especially given the fact before this all happened I had lost over 50 lbs!
Well girl, if you are going through those kind of stresses then it’s amazing you haven’t gained more! I went through all kinds of hell myself and gained and gained and gained. It’s hard to focus on ourselves when all these other factors are hounding us. I’m not saying I’m cutting you some slack because that’s not what I think you want to hear. But I do know it’s hard to focus on exercise and diet when other things need attention too. It’s good you are starting now. And reading the bible can help you big time. It can help in finding peace with what will be will be and that material is not everything. It’s not easy to let go but it’s not everything either. Best wishes.
Life just doesn’t seem fair at times does it? You and I are not saints therefore we have to fail now and again to get it right. Infact, it is that way for everyone. Thank God we learn from our mistakes and we get to start all over again. I know in my heart that you will make it because you have Him to lead you. Everbody ends up on top sooner or later with Him by their side. Luv ya! sista! Your rainbow will be magnificent! because of your beautiful faith.